DAVIDS EXCELLENT HEDO ADVENTURE
September 1 thru 8, 2001
By David from Houston (R)
I spent an entire week, including the Labor Day
weekend, at Hedo II. It was my first Hedo experience. I hope to offer a single
guys perspective on the Hedo experience, and provide the information that I
sought, but could not find, before my trip. For the sake of objectivity, Im
mixing in some negative comments, along with the positives. Nothings
perfect, but its best to avoid surprises! On the whole, I thoroughly
enjoyed my Hedo vacation!
THE BUS RIDE
Contrary to other trip reports, I actually enjoyed the
bus ride between the airport and Hedo II. The route hugged the coast, passing
lush canyons and going through several small towns. The coastline is colorful
and lovely. For many Hedo vacationers, the bus ride is their only glimpse of
real life in Jamaica. (Hedo is unlike real life anywhere!)
The bus takes 1-1/2 hours each way, and most of the road is under construction. The air shuttle is probably a better choice for people with inflamed lumbar discs. Its best to sit forward of the rear wheels of the bus. You dont know what kind of bus youll get, before you board. On the way over, the equipment was a well-worn minibus, which I shared with two couples (Tom and Toscha, from the Baltimore/DC area, and Jerry and his doctor-friend, from Houston.) The return trip was via a Greyhound-style highway cruiser, which cushioned the surface irregularities to an unnoticeable level.
PRECONCEPTIONS
There were several aspects of Hedo that I was unaware of before going. Id like to share them with other potential first-timers, to assist you in the choices youll need to make.
Singles Scene
The singles scene is essentially nonexistent at Hedo. During my week, the crowd was about 95% couples, 4% single guys, and 1% single women. The mix is comparable to other resort hotels Ive been to. (If anybody knows where hordes of single ladies vacation, please drop me an e-mail!)
The Hedo crowd differs from the typical resort crowd, in that most of the Hedo crowd could be described as couples seeking couples. This is largely moot for a single guy, whose experience will not differ much from the experience in more typical resorts, except for the educational and entertainment value associated with sociological observation!
Nude Side & Prude Side
I expected that Id be spending most of my time on the prude side, with occasional forays to the nude side. On my first Hedo afternoon, I learned that the prude side is virtually deserted. Everybody spends the day on the nude side, and so did I. Single guys: dont be shy. Nobody notices a single guy at Hedo. Youll be practically invisible.
Theres lots of shade available on the nude side, so sunburns not a problem if youre diligent. I didnt even use sunscreen on my fair skin, and I avoided a burn. Shady palm and almond trees line the entire beach, and high walls flank the nude pool. The swim-up bar has an overhanging canopy. Theres also ample sun, if you prefer to fry.
Accommodations choices
When booking accommodations at Hedo, one must choose between beach view and garden view, and nude side or prude side. Generally, beach views and nude side are more costly. I was satisfied with my choice, of prude side garden view. Youll only use your room for sleeping and showering, so youll spend little time enjoying that beach view. Since most of your day will be spent near the nude pool, nude side accommodations are a little more convenient. My room was at the far end of the prude side, and the walk was not onerous.
DRINKING WATER
The tap water in Jamaica is fantastic! Its as good or better than most bottled water, and it tastes far better than municipal water in the States! If you insist, bottled water is sold in the Hedo commissary. I bought some only to have the sports bottle as a convenient container, and refilled it with tap water throughout the week. Absolutely no ill effects.
ACTIVITIES
There are lots of organized activities at Hedo, and full participation is a great way for a single guy to make friends & have fun. Yeah, youll make a fool of yourself in some of the activities, but so are lots of other people, and everything is good-natured, with lots of laughs. Two of my favorite activities were nude Twister, and nude volleyball. Both were great at building camaraderie.
During the week, I won two contests. At Tuesdays Pajama Party, I won first place for the best sleepwear in the Boring category. (The other categories were S&M, Most Revealing, and Sexiest. A man doesnt stand a chance in the sexiest category!) Im sure my award wasnt for the most boring sleepwear, because the second and third-place awards went to outfits that were far more boring than mine! I wore a pair of two-tone blue tropical print sleep pants, matched with a royal blue ribbed tank top. It probably would have been a contender for Sexiest on a Man, but, alas, there is no such category!
At Thursdays Toga Party, I won the Remake your Toga contest. I went into it, not knowing what I was getting into. I was so relieved when the emcee gave us the instructions, because I knew exactly how Id made my toga! It took me a while to reconstruct the thing, and the crowd had a good laugh when they found out I was an engineer, methodically folding and tucking!
The evening floor shows are all good, but the real standout is the tandem trapeze show in front of the Dining Room stage on Beach Party night (Friday). Dont miss it!
BIKING NEGRIL
During my stay at Hedo, I took three bike rides, totalling 50 miles. The Hedo bikes are one-speed Jamis beach cruisers, with coaster brakes and no water bottles. In Negrils hot, humid clime, hydration is essential on even a short ride into town. I stowed two sports bottles in the rear pockets of a cycling jersey. Hedo does provide helmets, but I used my own.
The map that Hedo provides is completely inadequate. It only shows the coastal road (Highway A1), with relative hotel locations, and its not even to scale. A better map (AT&T Road Map Jamaica) can be obtained, for free, from the tourist information kiosk on the roadside at the entrance to Negril Marine Park & Craft Market. Its just before the bridge where the coastal road crosses the South Negril River, at the entrance to downtown Negril. If you cross the bridge and enter the traffic circle, youve gone too far. While youre there, also pick up a free copy of Negril Guide, which provides information on local attractions. The AT&T map lacks local detail, but at least its to scale. The best local map I found was Visitors Environmental Guide & Map of the Greater Negril Area, which I purchased at the Royal Palm Reserve. It shows all the back roads in the Negril area. Hedos commissary should stock that map, but they dont.
On my first bike ride, I rode along the coast, past
downtown, the clifftop bars, the Negril Lighthouse, and the Hard Rock
Reggae Caf. I doubt that the Hard Rock
Caf people know that somebody in Negril is using their logo, because
that place is a dive! Negril Lighthouse is worth a stop. The setting, atop a
high cliff, is beautiful. Most of the clifftop bars are gated and locked in
the morning, when youd be most likely to be doing a bike ride. (Gotta beat
the afternoon heat!) Theres one open-air bar, about mile past the
lighthouse, that is accessible at all times, and its setting is spectacular,
with a grove of trees atop the high cliff!
My second ride was one of the 9 AM group rides, organized by Hedo. Angel took the lead, and Junior brought up the rear. I rode with Angel for most of the ride, and got acquainted with her. Shes really sweet. They take you to a T-shirt shop in downtown Negril, thats associated with the jewelry shop in Hedo. Anything you select on the ride will be delivered to Hedo, so you dont need cash or carrying capability on the bike, unless you want to patronize one of the other shops. A public faucet outside the gift shop can be used to replenish water bottles. The group ride is a good way to get oriented to the world beyond Hedos walls, and you can pick up those maps and brochures on the way. Its short and flat, so just about anybody can do it. Do pack a water bottle.
My third ride was the biggie a circumnavigation of the Great Morass, an immense wetland and mangrove swamp. With a few missed turns, I logged about 28 miles on that ride. If you stay on course (an unlikely scenario), its probably about 23 miles. The best way is to first visit the Royal Palm Reserve, and buy the good map, and then follow the route to Orange Bay, and back to Hedo. To get to Royal Palm, take the A1 coastal highway to the traffic circle in downtown Negril. Hang a left at the traffic circle onto highway A2. After passing the country club, turn left where the highway turns right, and turn left again at the next fork. The map shows that the first turn is after the town of Sheffield, but Sheffield is not marked with signs, and it doesnt look like a town. Its easy to overshoot the turnoff, if youre looking for the town of Sheffield.
While on the highway, I had the opportunity to engage in one of my favorite road-riding activities: tractor-drafting! Ive done quite a bit of that on the flats around Houston, but its a whole new sport on rolling terrain with coaster brakes! This tractor was towing an empty hay wagon. I let him draw me on the climbs, but I backed off on the descents. Couldnt put too much faith in that coaster brake! After he turned off, I discovered that Id overshot my turnoff by four kilometers! It was so much fun, it was well worth the extra miles!
The Royal Palm Reserve is home to the majestic Swamp Royal Palm trees, and myriads of other wetland flora. Dont be discouraged by the semi-abandoned interpretive center at the entrance; theres a new interpretive center inside the reserve. Boardwalks wind through the habitat. The guide was extremely knowledgeable about the ecosystem, and the species within. Without a guide, youll overlook many of the details, like the bright crimson beans that are used for costume jewelry. They hide within bean-pods.
The nicest part of the loop around the Great Morass is the southeast quadrant, where the Fish River Hills plunge into the Great Morass. The steep hills are covered with lush forest. The road winds at the base of the hills, and sometimes climbs partway up. The back roads are in bad shape, but the beach cruiser absorbs the bumps with aplomb. People, unaccustomed to seeing a tourist in their hood, kept trying to get me to stop. (I wonder what those ladies had in mind?!)
The town of Orange Bay contains some grades that are too steep to be ridden on a 1-speed bike. Fortunately, the steep grades are not too long, and its a brief walk. Its difficult to determine an optimal route through the town, because the roads are arranged in helter-skelter fashion, and the steep hills add confusion. Its impossible to get totally lost, though, because youll eventually reach the A1 coastal highway, no matter what path you take.
The Hedo bikes are not maintained. No tools are available to adjust seats, tighten loose handlebars, or inflate tires. I was able to pick a tight bike that fit me, and I inflated the tires at a modern station on the A2 highway, about a half-mile past the traffic circle. If you dont want to chance a long ride on a poorly adjusted bike, bring your own adjustable wrench or multitool. A compact tire pump and a seat or handlebar bag wouldnt hurt, either.
THE
CLOTHING-OPTIONAL CATAMARAN CRUISE
DO NOT PASS UP THE CLOTHING-OPTIONAL CATAMARAN CRUISE. IT IS A BLAST!
Rasta Ralphie provides the entertainment on the catamaran cruise. His smile and enthusiasm are infectious! Even before we leave the dock, hes got the crowd singing and drumming along to his upbeat Reggae tunes. And the man can sure limbo!
First stop is at a coral reef, for snorkeling. While the reef is no Cozumel, its still a whole lot better than wherever youre from! Visibility in the crystal-clear water is well over 50 feet maybe even 100!
Second stop is at the Pickled Parrot, for cliff diving with the additional choices of a rope swing and slide. A bar is also available. The tour operator reluctantly let me use a mask & snorkel there, but not fins. (Theyd had a problem with people leaving equipment at the bar.) The boat was moored in 22 feet of water that was thick with thousands of jellyfish. I went in, anyways.
Swimming through a sea of jellyfish is an experience Ill always remember. By moving slowly, I was able to thread my way through them without getting stung. They are beautiful, translucent creatures, with a pulsating technique of propulsion. While in the water, it was easy to imagine them doing a syncopated dance to the throbbing base line of Pink Floyds Welcome to the Machine!
To test my capabilities, I dove to the bottom near the boat. I was able to grab a handful of sand!
About 50 feet from the boat, the jellyfish tide ended. At about 150 feet from the boat, I spotted a live starfish on the bottom. The water was way deeper than where the boat was moored. Mustve been close to 30 feet. Well I had incentive, and went down & got it! Without fins! What a feeling!
I brought the starfish on board, so everybody could look-see-touch-feel. After taking photos (see the first photo), I threw it back.
Helpful hint for snorkeling: A cycling jersey is an ideal garment for snorkeling. Its lightweight material is similar to the fabric used in bathing suits. It offers protection from sunburn and jellyfish venom. I selected one with a zippered pocket, to eliminate the drag associated with an open pocket.
Speaking of sunburn, the catamaran has a large canopy, so theres no need to wear clothing on the boat.
ROAD TRIP!
I had signed up for the excursion to see the crocodiles at Black River, but the trip was cancelled, due to inadequate enrollment. Hedo provides no description on their list of excursions, so people dont even know that the trip involves crocodiles.
I came up with an even better plan! Renting a car was a little more costly than the cost of one excursion, but I could see a lot more on my own than I could in an excursion. If there are two or more of you, renting a car is cheaper and more fulfilling than taking an excursion.
The Hedo travel desk hooked me up with Vernons car rentals, in downtown Negril. Vernons is a mom & pop operation, that isnt affiliated with any of the major franchises. The car was a piece of junk. A Suzuki Swift, in a body style that was discontinued after the 1994 model year. It was banged up, its taillight was cracked, and the trunk latch fell off. The left-front wheel rim was dented in several places, and the automatic transmission would stay stuck in high gear when the selector was set in Drive. It was necessary to manually run the selector through the gears, even though it was (theoretically) an automatic. Amazingly, the air conditioning was strong.
Driving on the left side of the road, in a right-drive car, takes a little getting used to. At first, you have no idea where the left side of the car is, which makes it tricky to pass the ubiquitous bicycles on the narrow highway. The roads are extremely narrow, with numerous deep, sharp-edged potholes. Intersections are poorly marked, if at all.
The Black River boat trip was very nice. They take you up close and personal with the crocodiles. Contrary to widely accepted guidelines for human interaction with wild animals, the tourguides feed the crocs. My tourguide actually duped the crocs into thinking theyd be fed, by swishing leaves steeped in chicken blood through the water. The crocodiles look a lot like the alligators we have on the Texas Gulf Coast, but theyre more animated. I dont know if their animation is normal, or a result of the feeding by humans.
Some of the other people on the boat were with an excursion from Negril, that accepts people from any hotel. (The Hedo excursions are exclusively Hedo.) So, if your Hedo excursion is cancelled, and you lack the adventurous spirit needed for a road trip, this is another option. Their cost was the same as the cancelled Hedo excursion.
When the other folks on the boat heard that I was staying at Hedo, they were really curious about what Hedo is like. (te-he-he!)
My best meal of the week was in a small, spotless restaurant near the boat landing. I had Sweet & Sour Lobster, and the proprietor was very friendly.
After Black River, I drove through the Bamboo Tunnel, and on into the Santa Cruz Mountains between the towns of Mountainside and Malvern, where I reached an elevation of about 3,000 feet. The agrarian valley was at my feet, and the sea beyond.
My last stop of the day was Lovers Leap, a 1700 foot cliff overlooking the sea. In the 1800s, two slaves who were lovers were sold to different plantations. Instead of separating, they threw themselves off the precipice together, and the cliff got its name. Theres a monument to the two at the top. The second photo, with me in the safari shirt, was taken at the top of Lovers Leap. I watched the sun set from Lovers Leap (unfortunately, minus lover.)
The drive back was treacherous. After dark, the unlit roads are populated with herds of cattle, whose eyes dont reflect headlights like those of other animals. The roads are unstriped, as well. In the town of Savanna-la-Mar, I blew out the left-front tire on a pothole that was hiding in the shadows. From that impact, the rim looked like a pie with one piece removed. 13-inch wheels are no match for Jamaican potholes! (Hell, a HumVee is probably no match for Jamaican potholes!) The locals wouldnt let me change the tire myself, despite my pleas to do so. As soon as I opened the hatch, three of them were in the trunk, hauling out the jack, spare tire and lug wrench. I have to give them credit, they knew what they were doing. After they finished, I gave them $20 (US), and they were happily on their way to the tavern.
TIPS FOR SINGLE
GUYS
These are just a couple of little things I learned, that Id like to pass on.
Dining Room Arrangement
In Hedos dining room, the dance floor is surrounded by a row of tables for four. Behind them, are tables for eight. At my first dinner, I arrived fairly early, and took one of the tables for four. After a while, I realized that every table for four was occupied by one single guy, and all the couples were sitting at the tables for eight.
Nobody will join a single guy sitting alone at a table for four. If you want to interact with the other guests, sit at a table for eight. (Think about it. A couple joining you will leave one empty chair. If couples are seeking couples, then that wont work for them!)
Nude Jacuzzi After Dark
At orientation, JR mentioned that a great party goes on during the late night hours at the nude jacuzzi. Around midnight of my first night there, I wandered over to check it out.
The late night party at the nude jacuzzi is no place for a single guy. Its a couples thing. I only stayed for about 15 minutes, and never went again. In other trip reports, there are derisive comments made about single guys, calling us Vinnies and Wallys. I presume they refer to aggressive and voyeuristic behavior, respectively. (Somebody correct me if Im wrong.)
If spectating is your thing, youre probably better off staying home with a videotape. The lighting would be better, the bodies harder, youd save a whole lot of money, and you wouldnt spoil the couples fun!
PERILS
I encountered two perils that are easily avoided, when armed with information:
Sea Urchins
The seaweed bed at nude beach is home to these underwater porcupines with venomous quills. After one wade, I was pulling spines out of my foot for weeks! At the very least, avoid the seaweed bed. For extra protection,wear SurfWalkers on the sandy portion, too.
Car Rental Insurance
You probably are used to waiving the damage insurance coverage offered by rent car companies, because your platinum credit card has automatic coverage when you use it to pay for the rental. If you read the fine print in your credit card agreement, youll find that you are not covered for losses from motor vehicles rented in Israel, Jamaica, or the Republic of Ireland or Northern Ireland! I learned this the hard way, when I tried to file a claim for the blown tire. Fortunately, it was only a blown tire. Its easy to imagine a scenario where Id be out thousands after totalling that decrepit Suzuki Swift!
HEDO PHOTO TIP
Hedo has a wonderful spot, a little off the beaten path, for photographing that special someone. Near the aviary, theres a gently curving walkway through a tunnel of bamboo. A mild telephoto lens (90 to 100 mm focal length) should be ideal for compressing the bamboo into a visually striking frame. My 135 mm lens was a little awkward in the confined space. Use a fill-flash, even in the brightest sun, to eliminate zebra-stripe shadows.
PERSONAL NOTES
I welcome any questions or comments by email. My address is dhaim@bechtel.com. Id especially like to hear from any Houston ladies whove ventured this far!
Id like to thank all the people who made my Hedo vacation memorable.
Fellow Guests, including Toscha & Tom from DC, Jerry & his doctor friend from Houston, Barbara & Larry from DC, Chayna & Kurt from California, Stephanie & Dave from Vegas, Amy & Eric, Lisa from Michigan (with her golden spiderwebs!), Sunshine from Philly, Patrice from Philly, Troy from Quebec, and the couple from the U.K.
Staff, including Angel, Dria, Roxann, Nipples, and Lucky.
Ive probably missed someone. Please accept my apology.
Adios, Amigos
David from Houston