HedoDocs
May
4-12 at Hedonism II
Belly
up to the bar, folks. The report is a longen! Have that Red Stripe at the
ready!!
Weve
both been waitin for this trip for some time!! Its #7 for me and #5 for
Rhonda. We hop the direct NW flight from TPA to MBJ that only takes about 1 hr
and 20 minutes. On approach to MBJ, I couldnt see a dang thing. The clouds
were thick as pee soup. We kept flying, and flying, but I still couldnt see
land. Everyone was getting REAL quite about now. Finally, a brief glimpse of
the mountains and I see we are LOW!! Damn ceiling must be no more than 100
feet. Wheres the airport?? Apparently the pilot couldnt find it either
and GEAR UP!! THROTTLE UP! One thing you generally dont want to here just
as your about to land are the engines throttling up to maximum!! OK, after my
heart started back, I realize its just a missed approach. Landing soon come.after
45 degree bank at what seemed like only 200 ft over the ocean. Thoughts of the
airline attendant telling us before takeoff (we were in the exit row), in
the event of a water landing, do NOT open these doors enter my mind! Youre
job is to point people forward and aft. Like hell.in the event of a
water landing were gonna be the first out that door!! <chuckle> But
enough of that..
After
the usual long wait through customs, were finally at the Superclubs desk.
Were taking the bus again, and were soon on. A major gully washer had hit MoBay and traffic was tied up. It took 1
hr just to get out of MoBay. Bummer. We struck up a conversation with
Michelle, a single lady travelling alone. Turns out her friend forgot her
birth certificate and they wouldnt let her friend on the plane. Her friend
would show up in a couple of days. This was Michelles first trip outa
the country, and it wasnt starting well. More on them later.
2.5
hrs later, we reach Hedo. We requested H-block Nude Gardenview. Room not yet
ready and they offer a room by the basketball court. No thanks, well
wait for the H-block room. It was ready about an hour later. It was just
enough time to have a few drinks at the bar and relax after the bus ride from
Hell. Oh, speaking of that ride, the road is in the worst shape ever!! Rather
than building a new road, they seem to be destroying the old one. New road
soon come.NOT!!! Michelle is missing a piece of her luggage, naturally
the one with all the clothes!! (She was staying on the prude beach.) Needless
to say, she was a bit upset. Her first trip outside the country was getting
worse, to say the least!
Were
finally in our room, 2249, and see that Patty and Rupe are in 2247. Cool! Its
too late for volleyball, so we head to the hot tub. Wow! A lot more PDAs
(personal displays of affection. ie. SEX!) going on than I remember in the
past. No problem. We force ourselves to accept it! <chuckle>
After
dinner, there is the usual circus show. How the HECK does that guy pack
himself into that small box??? The catortionist (sp??) is, as usual, hard to
believe without seeing him with your own eyes. (I bet he could suck his ownOH,
I dont even wanna go there!!) We didnt go down to the beach for the rest
of the show, as spinning in circles then trying to run straight while I fall
flat on my ass is fun only one time!! Instead, we head to the piano bar and
Dave is his usual great self! Its a rather quiet night (everyone on the
beach??) so we pack it in early.
Hey
Rhonda, whats NYPD mean?? She says, You stupid shit....go to sleep!
First order of business is getting the big two-person
float blown up at the dive shack. I got the float at Lesslies pool supply,
but they didnt have the usual float we like, only this one that is really
two floats that hook together. If you get that kind, trust me on this: hook
the freekin floats together BEFORE
you blow them up!! We finally get to the beach and its like..what
beach?? The water is almost up to the sea wall!! OK, thats different! After
the tide goes out a bit later, there is finally some beach. Were too lazy
to go topside for lunch, so Roberts burgers and fries gets the job done
nude side. We play volleyball and Rhonda and I stupidly play on the same team,
which looses! You couples, play on different teams to maximize your Hedo bucks.unless
youre just sure your team will win. (Oh, your a pro, eh???)
Oh.where
the HELL are the towels??? I heard rumors they were hard to come by, and NO
KIDDIN!! I finally find a couple of dirty ones, but not too bad, at the
dive shack and take off with them. Washing machine broke??? This was a problem
all week. All the usual tricks didnt work. When they brought them out was
completely random. Like I read later, the thing to do is walk nude over to the
prude side and when they stop you, tell them to bring you a towel!! (Now why
didnt I think of that?????)
Volleyball
is done, so off to the hot tub. We finally run into Mike and the LOVELY LISA (wheeww!!)
and the hot tub is hoppin!! The N-SYNC girls provided some brief
entertainment as together, they help orally clean woody sittin across
from us. NOT BAD!!! Damn sex police had to really ruin his good time!! Keep
it under water, girls!!
After
dinner, its off to Veronicas again. Dave is still the greatest!! Chucks
rendition of Lucille remains as good as ever. You picked a fine time
to LEAVE me Lucille, (all together now!!) You BITCH, you SLUT, you HORE,
you SUCK, you SWALLOW, and you COME BACK FOR MORE!!! Poor Lucille..
After
much singing, were off to bed, but not before we stop in the Disco for a
bit. Michelle is dancing up a storm and seems to finally be having a great
time!! Good, we were worried.
Hey
Rhonda, whats NYPD mean?? She says, You stupid shit....go to sleep!
Rhonda is up at the break of dawn, and does her best to
drag my butt out but I resist. This IS vacation. Let me sleep just a WEE
bit more, Honey! But soon, its up to breakfast. I rarely eat much for
breakfast at home, but here at Hedo, we seem to pig out every meal.
We
decide to go snorkeling, but the water out in the bay was too rough, so we
went over just to the south side of the island, where the old island parties
used to be. There were still fairly large swells and it made the snorkeling
tough. Dont get too close to the reefs when there are large swells, as they
can push you into the reef. Not fun! We still like the reef straight out best.
If you head that way (where most of the trips go), make sure and head over to
the west side of the reef for some really cool scenery.
We
do the usual beach thing.and hit the water when it gets too hot. While
lying on the float wondering what the rest of the world was doing, I noticed
PDAs in every direction! I dont like to stare, but there was no
direction I could look without seeing couples in various stages of displays..I
looked up to the pool and there was a lady giving her fellow a BJ as he lay on
a lounge chair. They were not the least bit subtle and seemed to enjoy the
attention. Later, I swam in and walked up to the rest room behind the hot tub,
and had to practically step over another couple hot-and-heavy on the pool
deck. The sex police were nowhere to be found and the natives were taking
advantage! I have never seen so much sex at Hedo before! (Dont
you just hate it??)
Later,
4 couples participated in the muff-diving contest. Three guys came up for air
after a bit, but the 4th stayed down for much longer, as the lady begged the
crowd not to do anything to let him know he had already won!! She seemed quite
happy about the out-cum.
We
actually head up topside for lunch today. Rhonda wants something more than
hamburgers and sandwiches today. But geez, I hate putting clothes on during
the middle of the day at Hedo. Something just aint right about that. But
lunch is good. In fact, we like the food there and in spite of a lot of
complaints, weve never had a truly bad meal. But maybe its just cuz
we aint to hard to please when it comes to food and will eat most anything!
(almost!)
Its
back to the beach and after awhile, time for volleyball, but I just watch
today. My feet feel like Ive been walking on nails and the sand is killing
me for some strange reason.oh well. Not much else happens until dinnertime.
After we eat, the entertainment is about to start. One of the ECs is
introducing the act and just as he does, NYPD (what DOES that mean??) Mike and
Rupe walk across the stage nekkid as jay-birds waving at the crowd, which
hoots and hollers!! Rumor has it Mike was chased by Paul (Chubby) a few nights
earlier for pulling the same prank and when Paul caught him, threw him over
his shoulder and into the prude pool. Of course, this is just rumor!!
We
hit the piano bar later, and Dave trys to get me to sing, but I tell him I
first need a little inspiration! Rhonda looks at me kinda funny, then heads
down for a little inspiration on the piano. Its piece by piece and she
actually has TWO pieces on tonight, so gets to take a little longer!! OK, now
I can sing!! <chuckle>
Mike
and the LOVELY Lisa are also in attendance and not to be outdone, Mike (had a
little to drink there Mike??) heads up onto the piano and does his own piece
by piece! Nekkid he was dancing on the Piano (I wonder where Veronica was??
She doesnt like Men getting nekkid in her bar). Nothing against you
Mike, but Id rather watch either Rhonda or Lisa!! (Heh heh!!) Chuck takes
the mic and gets to blast out Lucille again. Lucille really sucks, dont she
Chuck? I try a couple more songs and while doing Country Roads, Chris
from Boston (who plays one MEAN guitar!!) does a little harmony with me. Not
bad if I do say so myself!! Maybe we can start a new career!! On second
thought, I already gave up my day job once, so twice might not be a good idea.
Another
hard day of fun comes to an end, and its off to bed. Rhonda still wont
tell my what NYPD means. (stay tuned!)
Today
dawned with a slight overcast and haze. It was a bit nice not to have to fight
a blazing sun. We head topside for lunch again today then back to the beach.
We play volleyball again and make sure were on different teams to maximize
the bucks. While playing, Wally walks buy. Now folks, there are Wallys,
and then there are WALLYS!!
This
guy was the picture perfect Wally. He was a bit short, stocky and stubby
lookin. He wore baggy shorts and earphones (listening to the Pussy song, Im
sure!). He had thick glasses on that would put Austin Powers to shame! A
couple jokingly yelled, prude on the beach! Security!! At first, Wally
didnt catch on, but someone else yelled at him, Hey, its a nude
beach! Drop the drawers. Wally stopped walking, looking around with a
confused air about himself, then turned around without saying a word and
headed back to the prude beach!!
After
volleyball, we hit the pool for a cool one. Rhonda gets a Purple Motherfucker
and WOOA, after a couple of those she was feeling no pain! Wally showed up in
the hot tub and actually gets nude. We all comment how he is just the perfect
lookin Wally. I wanted to take a picture of him so I could show everyone
what a Wally is, but decided against it.mainly cuz I didnt feel
like walking back to the room and I just didnt think I could explain to Wally
what I was really doing in such a way he would agree!! <chuckle>
Were
almost the last of the happy-hour crowd to leave the hot-tub, but not before
Mike and Lisa showed up. Now what is that I see on Lisa??
Tell me that that DIDNT hurt, Lisa!! Oh, you say it enhances other
things, eh??.hhmmm..OK, Ill take your word. Im sure if that little
ring ever bothers you, Mike will be happy to kiss it and make it well!!
Off
to dinner and we call it an early night. Daves not in the piano bar on
Mondays and Tuesdays, and we dont really get into the karoke thing.
Watching ladies take it off piece by piece on the piano is much more fun!
Hey
Rhonda!! What does NYPD mean?? She says, Go to sleep, you stupid
shit!!
Wow, there was a major league rain storm about 5AM!! We
went up to breakfast and yup, the roof still leaks!! No problem. After
breakfast, we head up front to pay for the Catamaran cruise, which is $45 per
person and well worth it! We head to the beach to await the cruise.
At
cruise time, we head on over to board, but CRUISE NOT COME!! You see, there
has been some strange storm way out to sea and its been brewing up waves, 8
to 10 foot waves according to the staff!! OK, we love the Cat cruise, but not
while were puking up our guts from being seasick. In fact, this was the
first trip where I can remember seeing waves on the beach! No, not those from
the occasional boats going by, but certified, genuwine ocean waves!
Now
I have nothing against waves. In fact, while lying on the float, they can
provide just the right amount of to-and-fro motion for certain activities. But
we prefer calm water. And those waves, during high-tide (what, you didn't know
there was a tide there??), the waves broke up to the sea-wall and made it
quite difficult to sit under that big tree on the nude beach down at the end!
Damn!
I
balk at playing volleyball today and instead, head back to the room for an
afternoon power nap. I dont usually get this luxury! Getting up early and
staying up late is getting harder and harder to do! How did I do that when I
was young??? I strongly recommend a power nap late afternoon to recharge those
batteries for maximum fun.
Tonight
is PJ night, always a blast!! Were getting ready for the party and Ive
just gotten outa the shower and all cleaned up. Rhonda is in the shower
when, wouldnt you know it?? The lights went out. Now, Ive even brought
candles before, and they used to keep candles in your room, but NOT NOW!!
Where the heck are those matches?? Rhonda yells at me to bring some into the
shower, and, whats this???? She wants me to hold a match up close so she
can do some final muff trimming and shaving!! Wow, I musta gone threw that
whole pack!! <chuckle> God I love Hedo!!!
I
hear a bit of a commotion outside and see some flashlights. We head out and
there is an impromptu meeting of several of us in H block at the concrete
table in the middle of the area. (Rumor has it this table was the support of
some activity by Mike and Lisa, but this cant be confirmed). After a bit,
the lights come back on and soon, were off to the PJ party.
I must admit, this was the calmest PJ party Ive ever been too. We
didnt see near the crazy outfits were used to seeing. I put a sock on
over Willy and went like that. I wanted to stuff some toilet paper in my butt,
but Rhonda balked at that!! Trust me, Im a doc!! <chuckle> We
didnt even stay for the awards. Well, maybe next year!
Its
off to bed, and Rhonda still calls me a stupid shit for asking about NYPD
again. Im sure Ill figure it out.(stay with me here!!)
Ok folks, heres where I stopped taking notes for
this report. Besides, my brain was getting fried from all the fun and I cant
really remember anything!! <chuckle>. Well, maybe a little. The water is
calm today, so were told the cruise is going! Cool. Before we go, we bump
into Michelle. It turns out they found her luggage and she finally got it all,
on Monday I think. Her friend has also arrived and they were having a blast! I
couldnt talk them into coming down to the nude beach, but they were going
on the Cat cruise!
Rasta
Ralphie was not on this cruise. I expected he had some conflict since the
cruise normally goes on Tuesdays. I know we had a great time, but dont
remember much! I cant imagine why??!! The Pickled Parrot was fun as always.
The snorkeling was also very good. But the energy on this cruise just wasnt
quite the same. Rhonda got one of the patented foot and leg messages from
Steve. You all know whom Im talking about. In fact, while he was working
his magic, I took a couple of pictures of Rhonda in her state of bliss. A
fellow said, youve got a lot of guts taking her picture! Yea mon, but
that be my wife!! He didnt know. The entertainment on the way back
from the Parrot was, well, rather dull. (Not the singing, etc, but the type
usually provided by those less-than-shy folks and couples). Hardly a PDA
anywhere!! Oh well.
We
spend the rest of the day on the beach taking it easy. After dinner, we head
on over to Veronicas. Dave is back and we all have a blast! After much
singing, its off to bed. Maybe later, we might even get some sleep!! Bob
Dole, youre my hero! Even half drunk, his little blue friend really works!! Wwweeeeee!!!!!
Damn,
that was hard!! (Heh heh!!)
Dont
ask me about NYPD anymore! Rhonda demands. Ok.no problem..
Everything
is blending together now. I dont remember doo-doo!! Except that weve
gotten out of the habit of going to the Toga party. OK, everyone must go at
least once! Many folks even bring their own and you can see some great ones.
Underwear is not allowed. Those who wear any WONT get any dessert!!
I
wont bore you anymore with the usual beach stuff we do each day. For
dinner, we cop-a-cab and along with one other couple head over to Xtabi, where
we would meet a third couple for dinner. (Prior to leaving, we see Chuck in
his tuxedo along with his wife headed over to the Grand Lido for what I guess
is an anniversary dinner). The Xtabi restaurant is very nice. It sits
overlooking the ocean and would make a great place for a sunset drink.
Unfortunately, it was already dark by the time we got there, but the last
faint light from dusk was still visible. It was a great view! The food was
good, but not outstanding. Yet, I dont remember anyone complaining about
anything. The service was good as well and we had no problems. After dinner,
our cab was waiting for us (the same one we took over) and we headed back to
Hedo.
Another
night in Veronicas (do you see a pattern here?? We like the place and Dave
especially!) and its off to bed.
Friday,
we went snorkeling again, right straight out and it was the best ever!! The
sun was bright (DONT forget to put sunblock on your back AND legs!! You
will get burned while snorkeling if you dont) and the reef was just
glowing!! Ive been snorkeling well over a dozen times there and this trip
was by and far the best ever. I wish we could have stayed out longer. By the
way, we take our own masks, but use the fins at Hedo. Im pretty particular
with my mask, but most any fins will do for snorkeling.
Our
last full day was coming to an end. We watched the circus show again, but didnt
head down to the beach. We listened a bit to Dave in Veronicas and just
took it easy. Everything was winding down and we needed to get packed up for
the 10AM bus ride back to MoBay.
Were up and packed. All the bags are outside and we
actually have to put clothes on. That really sucks. We head up to breakfast
and say our goodbyes. I finally tell Rhonda that I figured it out. What?
she asks. NYPD, of course! She shakes her head with a not-that-again-disgusting
look.
No
honey, its why were going home now, I tell her. You see, NYPD means
NOW YOUR PUSSYS DONE!! So thats why were going home!!<chuckle>
No,
you stupid shit! she says. Were going home cuz NOW YOUR PECKERS DEAD!!
Damn!!!
And I gave my last Viagra to Rupe!! Hey, RupeRUPE!!!
Welp, there it is. Maybe a little late, but I still got
the report in. We continue to meet more and more folks who tend to go this
same week (Maybe cuz we go the same week?? DUH!!) It just makes the trip so
much more fun when you know so many that will be there the same week.
Unfortunately, next year well have to go a different week, as my freekin
law school has changed graduation and moved it back a week to May 11, instead
of May 4th. And no, they didnt ask me if we intended to go back to Hedo on
May 5th before making the change!! (We were already planning that trip!)
Guess
Ill just have to sue the bastards!! Can you help Darryl??? J
Bob
& Rhonda