SLUGS 2000
May 5-12
This trip report will be lengthy and detailed basically
because the author (Terry) prefers long, detailed trip reports to really short
highlight one (makes the memories come flooding back if I read details as
opposed to highlights). And since
I was elected to tell the Tale of the Slugs, I get to make the rules!
If you don’t like detail, you can skim through…I’ll try to do a
summary at the end LOL.
On the last trip we took to Hedonism II, we named the
section of the beach where we sat “Slugdom” because we became true slugs
that week. We basically sat, six
to eight of us, in the same spot of the beach for the entire week and did
absolutely nothing. When some of
us began planning our next trip to Hedo, we quickly adopted the name “The
Slugs”, developing a t-shirt design and name signs for our doors in honor of
the group.
The planning of this trip took some serious coordination.
Four of us, Brett and Christie from New Jersey, and Terry and Greg from
Delaware, had met a few times over the past year and kept in touch online
almost on a daily basis since our April 1999 trip.
Both couples had harrowing stories of the trip home and we commiserated
about those experiences. In
January, the four of us began talking about a trip to Hedo.
After some financial computation and discussion with the kids at home,
the date for the trip became the only thing to be decided.
After changing the date at least three times, we locked into May 5-12th.
This time tagging along were Mike, a good friend of Greg and Terry’s
who had been to Hedo once before, and one of Greg’s co-worker’s, Beth, who
had never been.
As has been mentioned on many occasions in trip reports,
the planning for the trip was almost as much fun as the trip itself.
It became a running email and IM discussion between Terry &
Christie on how many days were left before the trip…”20 and a wake up”
soon became “10 and a wake up” and finally the hourly countdown…”In 24
hours, we’ll be there!” In
fact, Brett asked if on the 4th, Christie IM’d Terry with “and
a wake up!”
When Greg, Terry, Mike and Beth first booked the trip,
they booked on US Air due to a bad experience on the last trip to Hedo with
Air Jamaica. Brett and Christie
learned that their Newark, New Jersey Air Jamaica flight had a layover in
Philadelphia, and Air Jamaica was offering a serious flight cost reduction.
Terry and Greg contacted the agent, changed to Air Jamaica and ended up
on the same flight as Brett and Christie.
The four of them were staying for 7 nights/8 days, while Beth and Mike
opted for 6 nights/7 days, leaving the day before the other four slugs.
It was a packed flight, and although the plan was to not
check any luggage, it was impossible. Terry
condensed as much as possible, but still had to check luggage. Oh
well, clothes weren’t the priority anyway.
Since the plane was totally loaded, none of us sat together.
This is probably good since Greg had the bright idea of attempting to
do shots on the plane on the way to get the party started.
Christie and Terry decided that was a bad idea…we wanted to remember
Friday! It was an uneventful
flight and we arrived in Montego Bay on time and headed for the Timair flight
to Negril. We grabbed our checked
bags (all arrived unharmed) and off we were.
Our pilot for Timair, Cecil, was wonderful.
He asked one of the women to be the co-pilot and Christie volunteered.
He chatted with us on the way and was truly a great guy. We flew
through rain and landed to partly cloudy skies.
We were quickly wisked to Hedo…all in all, from landing in Montego
Bay to Hedo lobby took about one hour. We
checked in…a note to those soon arriving…they printed actual registration
forms for you to complete and every one of them said that we were members of
the Lifestyle group. We didn’t
mention it because since the Lifestyle group is so large and Hedo seems to
somewhat cater to them, we thought it might give us some pull when we were
assigned rooms. We learned later
that the forms were printed and the Lifestyles group name was entered on the
original, and they just keep copying it over and over without removing that
name…so much for any preferential treatment!
Since we arrived at 12:30, our rooms were not ready…SURPRISE…so we
headed to the dining room for lunch We
had learned last year that you are better off NOT going to the lobby too soon
to get your rooms or you end up with kind of bad rooms, (although a bad room
at Hedo is better than a good room anywhere else) and we were truly hoping for
H-Block. So we ate, took a walk
down the beach as far as the dive shack before turning around (we weren’t
quite ready to disrobe and felt uncomfortable with clothes on—only at Hedo
can you feel overdressed in a sundress and nothing else).
Someone mentioned that it was close to 3, so we headed back to the
lobby.
We apparently walked into the lobby just as one of the
buses was emptying. We had read
on Denny’s site that Biff’s Bunch would be at Hedo through May 6th…many
were to check out on Saturday, so we sort of prepared ourselves for a bump.
Our hope was that the bump would be to Grand Lido for a night and we’d
be rewarded with some free nights for the inconvenience.
We figured we’d all be tired from the flight, we could sit in Lido’s
CO tub and pool and order room service…how bad could life be for one night.
Sure enough, we were bumped. And,
I read in another trip report that they thought that having booked through “Go
Classy” on the registration form moved people to the top of the list…not
so…Brett and Christie had booked through Go Classy and it made no difference
to the front desk. Checking in
prior to 3, at 3 or after 3 made no difference as we were bumped along with
the entire busload that had just arrived.
We knew it did no good to argue, and in fact, might hurt you to argue,
so we just accepted the front desk’s statement that “Lido is full and so
are we…you have to stay at Point Village”
Yuck….but they said we’d get a free night out of the deal, so it
was just a place to sleep…we could hang out at the hot tub all night and
then stumble to our rooms at the Point and be back at Hedo first thing.
While we were standing there, a young blonde girl got very nasty to the
desk clerk about whether she could come over at 7 AM and get her room.
She was told no, check out is not til noon, so she should not come back
til 1 at least. The girl was so
nasty, the clerk got a bit nasty back basically saying “Don’t even come to
the desk until 1”. The girl,
who we nicknamed Snippy, spun around, pointed her finger at the clerk and said
“And what was YOUR name?” The
desk clerk told her and she spun back around and stomped out.
Before we left the lobby, our friend Mike asked the same clerk, in a
very polite tone “Look, will we have first priority for rooms when we get
back over here tomorrow?” Barbara,
the clerk responded, “Come here first thing…DON’T wait until noon”
Being nice does work.
So we loaded up in a bus with a few others, and trekked
over to the point. Snippy was in
line at the point with her Mimbo (who walked the entire week two steps behind
her) seriously harrassing the staff at the Point.
We asked for rooms close together as close to Hedo as possible.
We ended up with two rooms that were adjoining and one room in a
different building, basically halfway in the middle of the resort.
Since five of us were vacationing to get away from children, being
stuck at a resort WITH screaming children (yes we heard screaming children
while our luggage was being unloaded), but we kept saying “It’s just a
place to sleep and shower for one night”.
Then we walked in the rooms. The
adjoining rooms had twin beds. Although
Mike and Beth were not a couple and were just sharing a room as roommates,
Brett and Christie were rather angry that they were sleeping in twin beds. Greg and Terry had a double bed, but when Greg used the
toilet, he learned that the toilet didn’t flush.
We were afraid to put our suitcases on the furniture because we thought
bugs might carry them away. The
mildew in the showers was so bad, there was no way any of us would have stood
barefoot on the bare floor, let alone let the water touch us.
The door lock on Mike and Beth’s room did not work.
There were no safe deposit box keys so we couldn’t lock our
passports, money or tickets up when we left the room.
Brett walked up to find out about the safe deposit box key and was told
it would cost $3 per day. After
some discussion, the staff relented and gave him the key.
Snippy apparently demanded the key and it was given to her too we
learned later. This was totally
unacceptable. We decided to go to
the front desk at Hedo and tell them something had to be done.
The decision was rather than sleep in the Ghetto of Negril, we would
sleep in chaise lounges on the beach, taking turns keeping watch over our
stuff around us. It was that bad.
We left the rooms and headed around the fence near the
nude beach to go to the front desk. We,
of course, were stopped by security, and asked where we were headed.
We explained we had been bumped from Hedo and were planning to go to
the front desk. As we walked
through the nude beach, we felt terribly self-conscious, and Christie, as she
walked through the beach, said to anyone within ear shot “We got bumped, we
got bumped” as explanation. Two
security guards actually chased us to find out what we were doing and where we
were headed…oh yeah…just a place to sleep.
Would be fun talking to EVERY security guard each time we had to go to
our room. We arrived at the front
desk and spoke to a very pleasant young woman named (Brett
will have to fill in here…I don’t remember) and explained that we
could not possibly stay at Point Village.
We were very polite and asked her if there was something she could do
to help us. She made a phone call, went back in the back office and came
out to tell us she could send us to Couples.
However, it was much more expensive than Hedo, so there could be no
compensation for the night. We
could have full use of the facilities there and could just call Hedo to get a
taxi to bring us over for use of Hedo facilities.
We said that was fine…we just couldn’t stay at Point Village.
Again, we loaded up our luggage and checked into Couples.
While we waited for the clerk to help us, Snippy and her
friend arrived in the lobby. Since
she had been so nasty to the clerks both at Point Village and at Hedo, we did
not want to help her, so we tried to avoid her.
Later, we learned her boyfriend’s name was Rich.
Terry made the comment “So they will be Rich and Snippy for the week”.
Not so – they quickly were dubbed “Ren and Stimpy”.
More on this couple later.
As an aside, Couples is absolutely beautiful.
They have a huge swim up bar just off the lobby, beautiful chaise
lounges and swinging, wicker chairs on the veranda.
We checked into our rooms which had nice balconies overlooking a stream
running through tropical trees. The
balcony had a small table with chairs where you could sit and relax.
There was a large tapestry over the bed with art lighting aimed at it.
A remote control air conditioner and a ceiling fan, a television and
really cool looking wicker basket drawers rather than a dresser.
They provided coconut smelling shampoo and conditioner and hand lotion.
There was a note, however, that we had to turn in our beach towels at
the water sports shack when we checked out or there would be a $15 charge for
each on our bill. Hmmm…knowing
the towel shortage at Hedo, might be something they should look into.
After changing (and Terry borrowing one of Beth’s bathing suits since
she didn’t even PACK a suit) they headed to the beach.
Couples does have a Clothing Optional beach, but it’s as far away
from humans as it can be, so we opted for the pool bar for a while and then
headed to the beach.
The beach at Couples is much better than Hedo’s.
No sea grass, no rocks, no coral…just smooth, white sand with tons of
starfish. The sunset was
incredible, although only Brett and Christie had a camera and it wouldn’t
work for some reason. We decided
to just change for dinner, maybe hit the hot tub at Couples and then go to bed
early since we had all had such an early start that day.
We were only going to miss the Beach Party which hadn’t impressed us
last year. That way we could get
up early, head to breakfast and get back over to Hedo quickly.
We dressed and headed to the dining room.
There was a Beach Grill (where the beach wasn’t even in view) and an
open air dining room similar to Hedo’s, plus what appeared to be the Couples
version of Pastafari. We figured we’d just hit the buffet in the dining room
since it was easier. Uh…no.
It was kind of crowded and there were six of us…since we were staying
at Couples, we figured it might be a problem finding a table big enough for
all of us, but they did…right next to the dance floor.
Christie was actually sitting on the dance floor.
There was a band playing dinner music, so we had to basically yell over
them to talk. There is no buffet
dinner at Couples. There was a
menu with choices none of us were sure of what we were ordering.
But we ordered and the food was really good.
After dinner we decided to change into suits and hit the
hot tub. Couples has no clothing
optional tub, so we had to change to our suits.
Greg and Beth were both exhausted so they went to bed, while the rest
of us headed down. We considered
getting naked, but really didn’t want to be banished to the Point again, so
we behaved. The funniest thing
was that there was another couple in the hot tub when we got in.
Christie and Terry didn’t notice, but the woman had her top off as we
walked up and she put it back on when we got in.
They asked us if it was our first time there and we said “To Couples”,
they said “Oh, where else have you stayed?”
We kind of looked at each other and figured, oh well….”Hedonism”.
The man said “Oh, so you all should be nekkid right now”.
That sort of broke the ice. Since
it had been an early morning, we all said good night around 11 and headed to
bed.
We woke fairly early, and headed to the dining room for
breakfast. We got downstairs and
saw the dining room was fairly empty and none of the bars were open.
There was a buffet for breakfast.
The waiter came over and asked if he could help us and we told him
there were six. He started to
head us toward a six top table when another waiter said something to him.
He said to follow him and headed us past all the other guests to the
table on the dance floor we had gotten the night before.
There was not a table with people at it within 50 feet of us! It was at that point we realized that there must be pictures
of us in the office that employees were to memorize “The Hedo People –
keep them away from other children!”
After breakfast, we turned in our towels and got receipts
against the $15 ransom and checked out of Couples. We called Hedo to send a taxi to get us out of there.
There was a small band playing in the lobby, probably to greet the new
arrivals to Couples. We sat down
in front of them and they immediately broke out into a rendition of “Lulu”,
a rather explicitly lyriced song. They
next started singing “Big Bamboo”, both songs directed at us.
We decided we must have it branded on our foreheads somewhere that we
were from Hedo. We checked out
the gift shops, we took pictures of the lobby, we got drinks at the beach bar
(which was the only one open). We
sat for a while and finished our drinks.
Finally, Terry and Christie went to the front desk to ask them to call
Hedo again and remind them we were waiting.
At this point, it was after 11:30 and we were ready for Hedo!
The desk clerk called over, spoke to someone in Jamaican (we think
telling them “GET OVER HERE AND GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF MY LOBBY”).
The taxi arrived within five mintues and we were again off to Hedo.
We got to the front desk only to be told “Your rooms
are not ready, go have some lunch and a drink and come back at 3”.
So much for first priority. This
time, we were prepared, though. We
had condensed the bags as much as possible so that we could grab any valuables
in one hand, head to the beach and disrobe and wait patiently for our room.
Our cups were handy, we just need towels.
We couldn’t find any, so, oh well, just our cups.
We plopped ourselves in Slugdom – it was still set up exactly the
same way from last year – just needed to add a chair or two.
We lotioned up and settled in, figuring we’d just grab some lunch at
the grill that day. We hadn’t
been sitting for an hour when the dark cloud we’d been watching arrived over
our heads and we were caught in a serious downpour.
Beth, the only intelligent one in our group, had the sense to head up
to do some shopping so she didn’t get soaked.
Our camera bags, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. got soaked as we huddled
under the overhang at the massage shack.
Finally, we realized it was not letting up, so we pulled on the wet
clothing and headed toward the dining room.
If we couldn’t sit on the beach, we could at least eat and drink.
As we reached the dining room, Beth met us to say our
rooms were ready. She had asked
if she could take the keys for everyone else, but they wouldn’t let her.
We promptly headed to the front desk to get our keys.
Brett and Christie were given 2247, we were given 2249.
Mike and Beth, in the interest of saving some money, had booked garden
view prude. The rest of us are
basically lazy and just don’t want to walk that far to our rooms from the
hot tub and beach. We were just
thrilled to be in H-Block as opposed to 2251 our room from last year next door
to the disco. Mike and Beth
however, not only got a prude room, they got Ocean View Prude…an upgrade!
Woo Hoo! Too bad they had
to wear clothes back and forth to their room and we teased them all week they
were staying at Sandals.
While we waited in line at the front desk, we met Bob and
Sandy of the Grin and Bare It Group. At
this point, let me say that to all of you in this group we chatted with prior
to arrival, we apologize for not meeting you in person.
Many of you thanked me for the Word list I made prior to our arrival
and you are most certainly welcome. We
became so engrossed in Slugdom, we just didn’t get around to meeting
everyone. You all seemed to have
a great time!
We went to our rooms, unpacked somewhat, and headed down
to the beach since the rain had stopped.
We hung out there for a little while, and Greg and Brett decided to go
up and take a nap. Christie and I
headed up to the pool and hot tub to hang out for awhile.
We climbed into the cool whirlpool (or cold tub as we started to refer
to it) and there we met Kris and Joe from Indiana.
They had just arrived that morning and had basically not slept since
Thursday. We talked to them for a little while, avoiding the jet that
throws you across the cold tub into the lap of the other people sitting there.
Eventually, we moved to the hot tub (I think…things get fuzzy here
for some reason), and then saw the chicken people were eating.
We ran down and got in line for chicken, Joe & Kris right behind
us. When we got to the grill, Indiana said she had some bad news…there
were only about three pieces of chicken and fish left.
We said “That’s okay, there’s enough for us”.
She said “No, I need you to pass the word down the line”.
We turned around to Kris and Joe and said “She wants you to tell
everyone there’s not enough chicken for everyone”.
Kris turned around and said “Not enough chicken for you all…sorry”.
We became instant friends from then on.
Brett had joined us again at this point, and Terry went to the room to
get Greg. The phone rang, it was
Mike saying he and Beth were showered and dressed for dinner.
We told them we were eating chicken and to drop the clothes and meet us
at the nude beach. Greg and Terry
headed down to eat, and next thing you know, Mike and Beth had joined us along
with Kris and Joe. Christie and
Terry (out of pure jealousy, mind you) had named any woman who wore a single
digit sized dress BSW (you’ll have to email us for the meaning of each
letter as I really didn’t want to put that in a trip report).
Kris wholeheartedly agreed with this philosophy.
We ate, chatted, got to know each other, and decided to head to the
room, shower and change for dinner. We
would meet in 45 minutes.
The eight of us had a ball at dinner and decided to hit
the piano bar afterward. We were
very early, so we sat around and chatted.
I was here that we got our first glimpse of the guy we named Happy
Naked Guy. He walked up to Dave
at the piano, stark naked and requested a song.
That got a lot of cheers from the audience.
We sang along at the piano bar until around 11 and then headed to the
hot tub. We stayed until around 2
AM and then headed for bed.
We had an agreement that we would call each room when we
woke up if we had not gotten a call yet.
The first one up was to go down to the beach and reserve Slugdom.
Greg was the first one awake, so he went down and reserved our chairs
even before Terry got up. He came
back to the room and slept for about a half hour, then both showered, knocked
on Brett & Christie’s door, called Mike and Beth (Mike said Beth was
already up) and headed to the dining room.
Kris had said not to wake them up for breakfast.
We ate, chatted, then decided it was beach time.
We headed back to the room to lather up and get towels, etc. and down
to Slugdom we headed. Brett and
Christie had brought a raft that they blew up at the dive shack and she
perched on it and the eight of us either floated or sat on chairs all day.
Around noon, we hit the grill for lunch.
Burgers, fries, etc. hit the spot as we all sat naked at the picnic
table behind Slugdom, eating and drinking.
After lunch, we returned to floating/sitting in chairs, reading,
chatting and just enjoying ourselves. As
with the last trip, the Blue Taxi was an avid follower of Greg.
None of us partake in the pharmaceuticals available, but on each of
Terry and Greg’s three trips, the Blue Taxi approached Greg no less than 10
times a day. He even told him at
one point “Where do you think I keep my money?”, but he kept coming at
him. That became a running joke all week, that Greg’s friend was
in the Blue Taxi, out there waiting for him.
Around 2, Beth decided to go souvenir shopping and Mike
and Joe decided to go to the gym to workout.
We made verbal notice of who the true slugs were in this group as
Christie, Terry, Brett and Kris stayed put.
Greg decided to wander up there and check the gym out as well, so we
sat and chatted some more. We
decided it was Beer-Thirty (or drinking time) and Christie headed to the bar,
bringing back drinks for all of us and our chatting continued. We were sitting in our little slugdom group when an older
gentleman wearing purple sweatpants, a t-shirt with his hair in a ponytail
stopped to talk to us. His name
was Freddie (I will use his real name because EVERYONE who was there that week
will remember him). He eventually
even gave us his last name, but I didn’t hear it, unfortunately.
Freddie had just arrived with “eight of the most
beautiful people in the world”. His
kids, his nieces, his ex-wife, some other friends of his were all travelling
together and he was talking to people just trying to get the ‘lay of the
land’. He asked if he could
pull up a chair and we said, “Sure”.
He did and started asking us why we came to Hedo.
We explained we enjoy the freedom and the fact that we can sit on the
beach and talk or get involved in the activities.
He said "So, you are all swingers?”
We said, “No, we’re just friends.
We’re not into that, although some people who go to Hedo are”.
He continued to boast that when he checked in they tried to ‘jerk him
around’ but he put his foot down, so they realized how important he was and
basically bowed at his feet. He said he was trying to put together the largest dinner
table ever in the dining room that night, and wondered if we’d join him.
He said “On my table will be a bottle of Grand Marnier, a bottle of
vodka, and a bottle of champagne” (I’m taking poetic license here…the
only thing I remember is the Grand Marnier).
We all laughed and said “Why do you need the bottles on the table…they’ll
bring you all the drinks you want”. At
one point, Freddie told us that if we got on his nerves, just tell him to shut
up. We informed him that we
wouldn’t be quite that polite, we would basically tell him to “Shut the
**** up and leave” if he got too out of hand.
Freddie continued to stress how important he was, while
completely avoiding the question of what he did for a living.
He asked about our careers and how they were connected.
Terry said as far as she knew, Kris had no idea what she did for a
living, and other than the fact that Christie and Kris discussed it just prior
to Freddie’s arrival, had no idea what Kris did for a living…we had just
met the day before. He said, “So
you all hooked up here, to swap?” Again,
we told him no. At this point,
Greg walked up from the gym. We
introduced him to Freddie. Kidding,
Terry said to Greg, “He wants to know if we all swap”
Christie said “He’s here with his neices”.
Greg looked at Freddie and said “I don’t know…what do your neices
look like”. Of course, Freddie
said “Oh, man, if you saw them, you’d want them immediately”.
Needless to say, Terry took a bit of offense to that, but we let that
slide.
Then Freddie said “Look, we’re all between the ages
of 40 and 50 here, right” At
which point, Kris said “Shut the **** up!”
Since Kris was only 27, that statement sort of hit a nerve. And it didn’t sit well with Christie and Terry, who are
still under 40, they weren’t pleased either.
Freddie apologized and continued to spin his tale of superiority.
He would throw out a movie line and ask us what movie it came from,
telling us he used movies to “motivate his people”.
Finally, Kris said “What exactly DO you do?”
He said, kind of hemming and hawing, that he managed 700 people in
Washington DC in the restaurant business.
Then he asked if he could get any of us a drink.
Now keep in mind, he is still fully clothed and we are all naked.
We said sure and told him we wanted three purple rains.
He asked “What’s in a purple rain?”
We told him “Purple stuff – no actually blue stuff and red stuff,
hence purple”. He did not find
that amusing but trekked up to the nude bar, fully clothed.
We figured he’d be ridiculed so bad up there, he wouldn’t return,
but no such luck.
We saw him headed down the beach, and Terry said “When
he gets here, he has to take his clothes off” to which we all agreed.
Freddie walked up with his drinks and passed them out.
He continued to spout his importance until one of us, either Christie
or Terry, interrupted and said “You know, this is a nude beach…you need to
remove your clothes”. To which,
Freddie said “Why, you want to see my cock?”
We politely said “No, but we’re all naked and you aren’t”.
He began to spout some more self-importance and Christie said “No,
really, this is not a clothing optional beach, if you want to stand here, you
have to be nude.” Freddie
replied “What…you want to take me in the ocean?”
At this point, Christie, who didn’t even want to make a scene about
being sent to Point Village and let Terry be the spokesperson, who doesn’t
complain, doesn’t make a fuss, absolutely lost it.
She very quickly told Freddie to “Shut the **** up and leave…now….this
is a respect issue…coming down here in clothes and hanging out on the beach
while we are naked is disrespectful.” Freddie
half-heartedly apologized to which Christie said “No, I told you to leave,
now get away from us. You are
standing here fully clothed and the rest of us are nude so you can leer at us…I
go to a beach at home that is clothing optional and it irritates me how many
people come there just to stare, now go!”
Again, Freddie did not leave.
At this point, Terry had had enough as well.
She said “Look, I think she just asked you to leave.
Either you leave or I’ll go get security and ask them to escort you
off this beach.” And Christie
said “And if I see you coming here with clothes at any point, I’ll ask
security to stop you.” At this
point, Freddie said “No one stops Freddie (here’s where he said his last
name and I could kick myself for not hearing it or remembering it or it would
be in the report)”. To which
Greg chimed in and said “I think these ladies just asked you to leave…go.”
Freddie headed down the beach yelling back at us something about his
mother dying. Greg and Christie
both yelled “Oh yeah, my mother is DEAD!”
This guy was the ultimate jerk.
A few minutes later, a security guard came by. We stopped him and asked if he could shoot this guy on site
when he saw him. He requested his
room number – which we didn’t have – and said if he bothered us again,
we should point him out to security.
That night at dinner, we saw him and his table of
beautiful people in what we’ve named The Cage in the dining room.
Wow…only if you find leopard spotted hair attractive would you have
looked twice. We decided that the
dining staff had put them in the cage to protect the other guests.
And no, there were no bottles on the table…imagine that!
After dinner, we decided to go sit in the piano bar where
it was quiet just to chat. Greg
decided he’d go take a nap so we could hang out in the hot tub later
tonight, and the rest of us just talked.
It is awfully embarassing, though, to be shushed by Dave the piano
player when you’re trying to talk. Right
after that we went outside and chatted a little more.
It was the oldies night in the dining room, so everyone decided to head
to bed. All the fun was getting
to us. Brett was watching the
show and Terry said goodnight and headed to the room.
On the way, she met Kris and Joe who had gone to their
room to ‘take care of some business’.
According to them, Terry appeared to have some trouble walking.
Terry went to her room and went to bed.
Apparently, Brett and Christie, who had planned to go to bed, and
actually got to their rooms, were rudely awakened by Joe and Kris.
They drug them to the hot tub, and basically Mike, Kris, Joe, Brett and
Christie went to bed as the sun came up.
Beth knocked on Terry and Greg’s door around 8:30.
Terry got up and decided to take a shower, so Beth and Greg headed for
breakfast. Unfortunately, Terry
didn’t rush to breakfast. Apparently, lack of eating and many, many, many more purple
rains than she originally thought the day before had given her a nasty
hangover. She showered and slowly
headed to breakfast. When she got
down there, she thought Brett and Christie would have been there first, but
they weren’t, so Terry trekked back up to their room to wake them up. Beth and Greg ate while Terry sat. Brett and Christie joined them until Terry had had enough
smelling bacon and eggs and they all decided to head toward the beach.
First, Brett and Greg wanted to make reservations for Pastafari’s for
that night, so everyone headed for the lobby.
Terry waited about 30 seconds in the lobby and then said she’d see
everyone at the beach….feeling rough was an understatement at that point.
According to Kris and Joe, she passed them on the way through the
dining room, but never saw them…she was on a mission.
Again, the day was spent lounging on the beach.
The slugs who remained in the hot tub informed Terry and Greg that
Freddie had made an appearance at the hot tub last night before being told by
someone to either leave or get your a** kicked.
Apparently, Freddie stood up and announced very loudly that he wanted
to thank everyone for being so polite to him and making him feel welcome, but
that he had been asked to leave. No
one paid attention to him, so he sputtered some more and left.
Greg and Terry were sorry they missed that scene.
Kris, Mike, Beth, Joe, Brett and Christie felt no
ill-effects from their late night. At
one point, Terry pointed out that it was not entirely fair that they all felt
fine, while she, who had been in bed by midnite, felt like crap!
Beth and Kris decided to go horseback riding that day, so
they would miss the Wet T-Shirt contest.
Kris told Joe to sit down on the side and have a good time since she
couldn’t participate. We all
headed up to lunch around noon and Beth and Kris stopped at their rooms to
change for horseback riding.
We watched the Wet-T Shirt contest and Greg and Joe
participated. They actually got
chosen by two of the contestants. Joe’s
contestant did a ‘blow job’ on him (just the shot, of course J)
and Greg was chosen to have a ‘blow job’ performed on him (a banana, of
course).
We headed back to the beach and spent the rest of the day
collapsed in Slugdom. Beth and
Kris returned from horseback riding and they also joined us in Slugdom.
Around 5, we all headed in to take showers and get ready for our 6:30
reservation at Pastafari’s.
Now, about Pastafari’s….we were not impressed with
the dinner in Pastafari’s this evening.
The shrimp dish they served gave Terry the worst heartburn she’d ever
had, and Kris was nauseated for about an hour after her meal. It was way too rich after a day in the sun.
In addition, it smelled horrible in there, like body odor or something.
We all came to the conclusion that we would not be eating at Pastafari’s
again.
Since our reservations were so early, we decided to just
hang out since it was too early to head to the hot tub. We decided to head to
Terry & Greg’s room to hang out until it got late enough to head to the
tub. Beth showed us a few
gymnastic tricks, that, trust us, were pretty impressive…one she couldn’t
show us because she wasn’t wearing her underwear, and just wasn’t up for
it. (She did show this to us
later and WOW…YOU GO GIRL).
We headed to the tub, but the nasty dinner and too much
drinking, got the most of everyone and most of us headed in fairly early.
Some didn’t, though and again saw the sun on the horizon.
Again, we met for breakfast and headed to Slugdom. This day was totally uneventful except for the Blue Taxi who again circled Greg. And except for Happy Naked Guy.
As we mentioned before, there was a guy who appeared to be Happy and Naked all
over the resort…dinner, piano bar, disco, etc.
On this day, Happy Naked Guy was headed toward the pool and tub, fully
clothed with a bag on his shoulder. We
called out to him and asked if he was leaving.
He told us yes, he had already extended his trip twice.
He was normally wearing an NYPD hat.
Kris saw that he was wearing a necklace and looked at it closely.
She said to him “Wow you really are a cop” because the charm on the
necklace was whatever the patron saint of policemen is.
He said yes and showed her his badge.
She said “Damn, if I’d known, I’d have asked you to frisk me”.
He dropped his stuff and said “I’ll be right back” and sprinted
down the beach to the front desk to try to extend his stay.
A few minutes later he came back down the beach and said
the front desk told him “You have to go home”.
From that point on he became Unhappy Clothed Guy.
We were sorry to see him leave!
It was PJ Party night, but Brett, Christie, Terry and
Greg had decided they weren’t going to go.
Last year it was so hot and smoky, so we didn’t even pack an outfit.
The Battle of the Sexes was again hysterical.
Randy of the Grin and Bare It Group did an awesome fake orgasm.
He became known as the King after that.
After dinner, we took some provocative photos with Terry’s
glow-in-the-dark penis cup, and did a few body shots on the deck by the prude
pool overlooking the disco. The
plan was for Kris, Joe, Mike and Beth to go to the pj party and Christie and
Terry were going to get naked, jump in the pool and flash them through the windows.
However, after the shots, we decided to scrounge up some PJ’s and go to the party for a little while. Terry had packed a nightgown for the hotel room in Phillie, so she wore that, Greg and Brett wore boxers and Christie wore one of Brett’s dress shirts. We went down to the disco where we saw several people going in the door with shorts and regular shirts. No one stopped them. We get to the door and the coordinator, Melanie stopped Terry to look at the imprint on her nightgown. Greg and Terry went in, but Christie and Brett were stopped because they said Christie was not wearing pajamas. She lifted her arms to show that she was naked underneath and offered to take it off, but they said she could go in. When they got inside, Brett and Christie said that Freddie was standing by the bathrooms in the entranceway to the disco watching everyone go in. What a lech!
We hung out in the disco for a little while. Mike
got us a round of drinks that were absolutely horrible. Terry got a Tom Collins, but apparently he was in disguise
and only using his first name…it was all gin…no collins. Everyone complained that the drinks were WAY too strong.
Now…about the disco…again, this is the opinion of the
author and not all slugs share this opinion.
The disco needs some serious renovation.
It is way too small and smells like a basement.
It seems that it would be better if they tore it down and rebuilt it
somewhere else. It’s hot…usually
uncomfortably hot. Terry got
seriously chlostrophobic in there and she NEVER has that feeling.
She and Greg left about 15 minutes after they got there.
In there, we met Dwayne, a Superclubs rep who was visiting Hedo. By the time that Kris was done with him, his new name was Pup Tent for obvious reasons.
Brett and Christie came out soon after and we decided to
head to the hot tub. But, for the
first time, Greg and Terry got to experience the midnight buffet…they had
bacon and eggs and hot dogs on the buffet, so we made BLT’s on hot dog rolls
and munched away. Christie had
succeeded in catching the buzz she’d been missing all week so we were having
a ball.
We got to the tub early and got a good seat.
I believe this was the night that Brett got propositioned several times
by prostitutes. Dwayne had
appeared at the hot tub and explained that the prostitutes cost $175 for 15
minutes and they don’t leave the guy satisfied.
Of course, Kris, Christie and Terry decided that they could start a
rather lucrative business…for $350 we’d leave you a VERY happy man!
This was the first time we’d seen the hookers in action, and they
were plentiful.
This was also the night we saw a girl on the opposite
side of the tub have a very good time. She
was pleasured by her man, then by a woman, then again by the man, then again
by the woman. We dubbed her a
People Person. You gotta give her
credit, she received much and didn’t have to offer anything. The women in the crowd wondered how to get that job J.
It was also the night we sat next to the Human Tidal
wave. A guy and a girl right next
to Brett were having a really good time.
The only problem was, we weren’t sure he’d ever finish.
It got to the point most of the people in the cloverleaf were laughing
about this guy. The sad thing
was, his girl was in a perpetual ‘nother world.
She either had found some seriously good drugs or she was not quite
there. The poor girl had gotten a
henna tattoo on her forehead…we joked that it’s a good thing it didn’t
say dumba**. She spent most of
her time during the activity staring at the sky.
They went at this for at least 30-40 minutes until some of us wanted to
start singing Surfing USA. About 45 minutes into it, a security guard came over and told
them to take it to their room. We
all busted out laughing. We
decided the guard had gotten tired of watching the whole scene and just wanted
to get rid of it. The next day we
joked that the girl was trying to count the stars “1, 2, 3…where was I…God,
now I have to start over…”
Again, an early night for some, late for others.
Mike and Beth’s last day.
On this day, Kris decided that she would challenge Mike in drinking him
under the table. This was the
latest we had ever gotten to the beach and sadly, Slugdom was gone…newcomers
had taken over…so we relocated to just next to the ropes on the nude side.
It actually was a better spot because we could circle the chairs.
We needed more chairs and there were none to be found, so
Kris and Terry decided to raid the prude side.
Terry just had a sarong tied around her chest and when she walked, the
breeze blew it open. We trudged
to the prude side, where there were about 30 empty chairs, and grabbed two.
We got lots of looks walking down there, Kris topless and Terry with
her sarong blowing open. Halfway back, an employee asked if he could help, Kris told
him, yeah…we need two more chairs. He
drug the other two down for us. Done…Slugdom
resumes.
Again, floating, lounging, reading, eating, drinking…that
was the extent of the day. Kris
and Mike continued the battle, the “I’m one up on you…you’re one up on
me”. Kris, Beth and Greg
started the morning with shots of Jack Daniels…Kris told Delroy she wanted
something easy…guess he mistook smooth for easy.
This was the day of the returnees party…Greg, Mike,
Christie, Brett, Terry and Greg were all invited. Terry and Greg decided to head in to get ready for the party,
basically because last year the food they served there was incredible!
Terry and Greg went to the cocktail party and the winners of the free
week had been to Hedo 14 times each…there was a tie.
Our measly third trip didn’t even come close, but we were right about
the food. The food they serve
there is wonderful. Since that
night’s dinner was chinese food, and no one wanted to brave Pastafari’s
again, Terry ate lots of appetizers to make up for the lack of dinner she
would have.
Now an editorial about the food….this trip the best
meal we ate in the dining room was lunch.
None of the dinners were really that great.
Even though you miss hurricanes, going down in September is a benefit
because at least you get lobster one night.
Plain, none spiced lobster. What
do they put on their beef? The
burgers have some kind of nasty spice and the grilled steak had some kind of
nasty spice. The night in
Pastafari’s, we asked the waiter what one of the items on the antipasto bar
was and we swear he told us “Yard cat”.
From then on, every cat we saw we told to run…or said “Look, lunch
tomorrow” Basically, salads
were a staple for some of us. But
lunch in the dining room was great every single day!
Tonight was the art auction…and by the way…WHAT ARE
THEY THINKING???? First of all,
some of the paintings were not Jamaican and even though some were nice…the
lowest starting bid was $350 and went to a high of $6400…who goes to Hedo to
buy art even if they will ship it home to you!
It was also the Mr. and Miss Hedonism contest.
That was cute, but not real entertaining.
It appeared that Kris was winning the competition at dinner when Mike
seemed to be fading, but he rallied. Our
drink waiter, Gregory was really cool! He
even helped Kris with the handcuffs Terry and Greg brought to dinner just for
her. Another waiter came in to
see if he could help us, Kris lifted the handcuffs and he literally RAN from
the cage where we were eating. More
body shots this night in the dining room and then down to the hot tub again.
Activities this night were fairly slow, but Long Live the
King…he appeared with pitchers of Purple Rain, Land Sharks, and went back
for a bottle of white wine. He
even went to his room and brought downt he CD player for some music.
We all decided he must throw one hell of a party at home!
Everyone got in early on this night, since Beth and Mike
were leaving the next day.
We all met again for breakfast. Mike had to finish his souvenier shopping, so he, Brett and
Christie did that while Greg, Terry, Kris, Joe and Beth headed for the beach.
Mike and Beth were planning to shower in Terry and Greg’s room before
they left, so they brought their luggage down and did the Air Jamaica check
out thing.
We all hung out on the beach for awhile and then headed
up to the dining room for lunch. Mike
and Beth went to shower and get their stuff.
It was the Body In Motion contest and we watched it for a little while.
There was one guy who looked really good and may possibly have been a
professional dancer, but we didn’t wait to see who won, since Mike and Beth
had to go. We headed out to Moon
Hill for the send off…of course…just mooning wasn’t enough for Kris…her
top came off as well!
We had noticed earlier in the day while sitting on the
beach, that there were quite a few clothed people on the beach.
Brett noticed that the night before, while he was in line for the jerk
chicken, he was the ONLY nude person in line.
We looked down the beach from slugdom and saw at least 10 clothed
people. Two guys had gone down to
the nude grill, got hamburgers and fries and were sitting at the picnic table
next to the massage shack. Terry
got up and walked down to the soda machine by the massage shack and casually
mentioned to one of the guys “Nice shorts”.
He snickered and said “Thanks”.
Terry went and filled her cup and on the way back, stopped and said “You
know, this beach is not clothing optional – it is nude.”
His response was “Yeah, so I see”.
Terry headed back to the chair and they left soon after, although we’re
sure it wasn’t because of Terry’s comments.
Later that afternoon,
we decided to head to the pool because it was fairly warm and did
several shots in the pool. Kris
and Terry performed some water aerobics…handstands and such.
And we just laughed and had a ball.
Around 6, the grilled chicken was done, so a few of us got in line for
that. We carried it over to the
tables in the pool and were eating and chatting, when we saw two clothed guys
on the beach. One was in line for
chicken and the other was standing at the bar.
Terry and Kris went over to the guy in line for chicken and told him he
needed to disrobe. He said “Look,
I just got here an hour ago, and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this
yet. I just came to get some
chicken.” Giving him the
benefit of the doubt, we said, “Fine, but at least lose the shirt.”
He took his shirt off and tied his bathing suit so tight you couldn’t
have yanked them off with a crowbar. He
pointed at the guy at the bar and said “This is my first trip, but he’s
been here five times” The guy
at the bar said he was just getting a drink, but he wouldn’t be naked until
after dark in the tub. We talked
to them, trying to convince them for a little while.
In the meantime, we saw Ren and Stimpy walk up to the nude grill, both
totally dressed (Stimpy was wearing a thong bathing suit).
We climbed back in the pool to eat our chicken, grumbling that it wasn’t
right that all the prudes could come down to the nude grill, eat all our
chicken so there wasn’t enough for us, but they could keep their clothes on.
Brett then noticed that the two guys we had been talking
too were standing at the nude bar eating their chicken and Ren and Stimpy had
plopped down on the picnic table right next to the steps by the nude pool to
eat theirs. None of us had the
guts to harass Ren and Stimpy, but the new guys we climbed out of the pool and
tried to convince they needed to disrobe.
The younger of the two kept saying he wouldn’t disrobe
because all the guys would stare at him.
A woman standing by the nude bar asked him “When you go in a public
restroom, do you use the urinals or do you have to go in the little cubby”
He said he went to the last urinal and turned his back so no one would
look.
Brett has the philosophy that guys who won’t take their
clothes off on the beach must be halfway through a sex change operation so
they have no genitalia. Kris and
Terry told the younger guy that and said that unless he dropped his shorts, we
were going to spread the word. If
he stood any chance of getting lucky this week, he better disrobe. He didn’t, so we did indeed spread that word.
We told them it wasn’t fair that they came down, ate OUR chicken at
the nude bar. If they had to have
some chicken, they should have gotten it and headed back to the other side.
Finally, after about 10 minutes of trying to convince them, another
gentleman said “You know why they won’t take their pants off – look at
the attention they are getting” One
of them replied “Exactly!” At
which point, Terry said “You know what, you need to get your chicken and
f***ing leave. It is totally rude
and disrespectful for you guys to stay here”.
Security finally came over and told them the same thing, that they had
to leave. They didn’t. Finally, a second security guard showed up and they did leave
then. Ren and Stimpy remained
until their chicken was gone.
Author’s note: Here’s
where I have to eat a little crow from my report last year.
In my report, I mentioned that the Butt Crack Tour group that was there
toward the end of our stay, was particularly brutal about clothed people on
the beach. Although, I still
think they were a bit too militant about it (don’t harass those who have
been nude all week and may just be headed to the chair, pool or hot tub and
disrobing closer to them), I would have loved to have their bells and whistles
on this trip. There is no way any
of these idiots would have made it to the nude bar if the Butt Crackers had
been there. After three trips to
Hedo, I can see where it gets truly aggravating to see all the clothed people
on the nude beach.
That night was the Toga Party, but we decided to skip the
demonstration and come up with our own. Joe,
Greg and Brett looked like the triplets, because Christie tied all three of
theirs exactly the same. It was
the best Toga Party we had seen in our three trips. The staff/guest talent
show was incredible. One guy who
played guitar, I’m sorry I don’t recall his name, was so good we thought
he should be comped to stay there! He
had the entire room on the dance floor with his rendition of “Change in My
Pocket” and a ZZTop song.
Kris entered the most revealing Toga party, but lost to
the only guy in that competition, and also in the storebought competition but
she lost that to the 80+ year old comedian.
She says next year she’ll win.
Again, down to the tub after dinner.
We sat for awhile in the tub, but Kris had had way too much to drink
and began feeling sick. She and Joe went back to their room and Joe returned later,
saying Kris was sleeping. We sat
and chatted for awhile and watched the, umm, race across the tub.
A group was apparently racing to see who could finish the women first.
We hit the bed around 2 again, realizing we had to finish packing at some
point the next day.
Our last day of naked fun in the sun.
We got our bags together and put them outside the room like our
eviction notice said, before 9. We
headed down to breakfast, then to the beach for awhile.
We decided around 1 to go up, get the shower thing done and meet for
lunch. We had to be at the Negril
airport by 2:30 for our Timair flight to Montego Bay.
Of course, we’re not sure why we had to have a 2:30 flight from
Negril when our flight wasn’t leaving until 5:10.
The bus for our same flight left at 2!
Oh, well…we’ll know next time.
As an aside, Timair is awesome. They actually called Hedo to be sure we were leaving on time.
After the nightmare of Air Jamaica Express last year (all included in
my trip report), that was a nice change!
We again had Cecil as a pilot and had the pleasure of
flying back with Rupert and his wife who we had met earlier that week.
Rupert said that the last time they took Timair home, they got on the
plane wearing nothing but towels. Also
flying with us were a couple from Grand Lido.
At one point, during turbulence, Terry reached forward to grab the seat
and brushed the man’s arm. He
snapped his head around and looked like we were going to rub off.
Jeez..relax, dude!
The rest of the return home was uneventful, except for
Air Jamaica apparently booking more than one passenger per seat…oops!
Delayed our take off for a few minutes, but the flight was smooth.
We landed in Philadelphia only hour late.
Of course, our luggage continued on to Newark, New Jersey with Brett
and Christie…they actually saw one of our bags in baggage claim (Hedo had
written on the top of the bag in chalk).
It was delivered to us on Monday.
This was probably our best trip to Hedo.
Going with old friends and meeting new ones was a true highlight.
We all seemed to get along like we’d known each other forever.
We laughed almost for the entire vacation.
For my fellow slugs….memories that stand out are the pharmaceutical
salesman in his mini van, grocery night, Blue Taxi, “Here Kitty, Kitty”,
ham and roast beef, Doom & Gloom, shrimp and the buffet, grilled
cheese sandwiches, Purple Death, fun with drinking utensils, insult trumping,
beach chairs, men and waves, taking care of ‘business’ before dinner,
kangaroos, electric dock openers, no underwear, and much more that escapes me
now.
Some additional comments that are the opinion of the
author and not necessarily that of the other slugs:
FOOD:
The dining room food was best at lunch and it would be nice to have
some normal type stuff for dinner – plain grilled steak with no seasoning,
regular fried chicken, some of those fajitas they served at lunch, etc.
Pastafari’s was horrible on this trip – bad enough we won’t go
back. The Returnees Cocktail Party by far had the best food and the
shrimp there was out of this world….don’t miss it just for that!
CLOTHED ON
NUDE BEACH: This
was beyond unreasonable this trip. Security
must do a better job of stopping this. There
should be guards posted at both ends of the beach.
Clothed people should be stopped and asked where they are going and
why. And getting jerk chicken at
the nude grill fully clothed should also not be permitted.
We are not permitted to go to the prude grill and order food and eat it
naked…I’ve seen people be told they have to dress.
FLOATING TOURS
FROM OTHER RESORTS: This
needs to be stopped as well. If
they want to ride by and gawk, that’s one thing.
It is totally another for photos and video to be taken. Happy Naked Guy did launch a water balloon at the Couples
boat and score an indirect hit.
DRINKS:
The prude bar and disco make the worst drinks in the entire resort.
The Nude Bar, then Veronica’s, then the Dining Room in that order
make the best.
BUMPING:
Hedo must do something about overbooking.
We think they should buy Point Village, tear down the buildings and
build more rooms for Hedo. Maybe
make that the totally nude side. We
also thought they should make the Prude end of the resort Clothing Optional
and keep the Nude End and make Hedo III the Prude resort.
Maybe they’ll read this.
AIR CONDITIONERS
AND WATER PRESSURE/TEMPERATURE: The
new air conditioners are nice and they do a really, really good job of cooling
off the rooms. So much so you
could probably hang meat in there. Most
nights Terry and Greg opened the windows and were not uncomfortable.
It got stuffy in the mornings, and we'd turn it on.
The water pressure was fine all week..no problems.
Only in two showers did we notice the water temperature fluctuation
Hedo is famous for, and we believe it was because we were taking showers
during peak shower time.
We’re already planning trip #4 in the spring of 2001.
Our travel agent succeeded in getting three free nights from Superclubs
due to the problem with the bumping and delay in getting us back to Hedo.
Again, I apologize for the length of this report, but I didn’t want to miss anything. The Slugs are happy to answer any questions from people thinking about Hedo…just contact one of us!