"Hey, James. Let's go to Hedonism next month," Stephanie, my wife,
said
during an absolute dead moment during a school faculty meeting.
About 40 heads, including our principal, turned, looking at us. I don't know
whether they were condeming us or being envious of us. All I did was smile
and say, "Sure, that would be fun. Would anyone else here care to go with
us."
We went alone.
It was our first trip to Hedonism. It won't be our last either. We had a
great time. So many people post trip reports and they pretty much contain the
same things. Compared to Chris's book and the others, here are the things we
found true, not so true and way off base.
Getting there:
The flight in from Miami wasn't the best in the world. The American Airlines
crew seemed to be made mostly of rookies. I've made lots of trips and this
was the first time we've ever found a pilot who could keep the plane steady
in non-turbulent weather. Touchdown at Montego Bay was so hard, most
passengers offered to help the pilot change the flats he probably cause. He
ran back into the cockpit to hide. He's probably still there. I know I'd be.
We had planned on flying TimAir because we wanted to enjoy our time at Hedo.
We both know Jamaica is a third-world country. I've been there before on a
church trip. In 20 years the shacks haven't changed other than the location
when hurricanes erased them.
TimAir people were great. They had our plane ready when we got to the other
side of the airport. As we were walking out to the plane, the counter agent
came running out asking us if we would mind waiting for another couple of
people who wanted to fly. No problem, mon.
It was one of the best decisions we made. Of course we did get a rate
reduction on the flight, but more importantly we met Tracey and Jennifer. The
two girls from the San Francisco area would end up being almost constant
companions for dinner the entire trip. Along with another guy, Gene, we met
we had a great time. They really helped make our trip one of our best ever.
Our pilot kept trying to convince Tracey to take her top off on the flight
over. Had Stephanie been up front, he would have been succesful.
We arrived at Hedo and ran into the wait. The check in desk is not organized
chaos. It was just plain chaos. Stephanie and I had expected it so we filled
in the papers, smiled a lot, told the people at the desk we didn't mind
waiting and headed off with the girls to eat and get some drinks.
I walked back up front an hour of so later to find a group of Vinnies at the
desk. I had read about them and didn't really believe genetics would allow
some people to be that loud, pushy and stupid. Did you know that chimpanzee
and human DNA has a 99 percent match? The Vinnies proved it was true.
They yelled, they fussed, they cussed, they got in people's faces and pointed
fingers. The more I watched, the more I laughed. The desk people just became
stone-faced with a fixed smile and told them it would be a while. After they
cleared out, I walked up, smiled, asked if my room were ready or if they
would like me to wait some more because that was okay, too. Whatever would
make it easier. We got our room in an instant.
Because of the late decision to go and our budget, we took the prude, garden
view rooms. It was so close to the nude area, though, we didn't bother
wearing clothes most of the time. No one hassled us or the others that did as
we did.
The rooms were adequate. They were comfortable and the new AC wasn't such a
problem to work. The power difference between here and there did cause us to
burn up a hair dryer.
The clothing beach was dull so it took us about five minutes to find our way
down to the nude beach. We had a great time there. You really wonder if
people notice you or not. People do look at you and we looked at other
people, too. But we found you quickly dismiss the bodies. What you notice
most is how much people are enjoying themselves.
One of the things people don't say much about it that the rainy season begins
about when we got there. We spent years in South Louisiana where
thunderstorms roll in every afternoon. They happen in Jamaica on the same
regularity. We adjusted by hitting the bar, taking naps, doing a little
shopping.
As for the evening activities in the disco, we didn't attend them very long.
The ventilation is incredibly poor. If you have problems with asthma or
allergies, expect a huge build-up of smoke in the bar and dance area. It's
pretty tough to take. We did hit PJ night and it was a blast watching the
people come in. The only down side to the whole thing was at the door where
the staff was checking for appropriate dress. One drunk idiot (sorry, but
that's what he was) spent his whole time cussing everyone about being
properly dressed.
The catamaran cruise was great, especially the snorkeling. Pulling up to the
reef, you could hear people from another resort boat screaming to each other,
"My God, they're naked!!!!" We waved and smiled at them. The cruise
over to
the Pickled Parrot was fun. The water was as beautiful as you could ask for.
There was a good deal of dope around on the cruise. Neither of us liked it
but no one bothered us with it so that was not a big deal. You really notice
it when the small john boats cruise up to the edge of the beach and people
try to sell it to you.
The food was good and on most days better than average. The drinks at the
Delroys are better than at the main bar. Why? I don't know. I don't care. I
just want more of them, even now.
We did learn a few things from some people there. We took the time to go to
the orientation. Jason, from the staff, told us that the staff like people
from the south best because they tended to go at a slower pace than other
Americans, they smiled a little easier and said things like please and thank
you.
Smiles, please and thank you get you an awful long ways at Hedonism. Remember
that, please.
Also, remember that there is no shortage of liquor at Hedo. Don't think
you've got to drink it all up the first day you get there. There will be more
the next day.
We had heard people complain about Lifestyles people in the past. We didn't
see many who were openly looking for other couples. We're a Lifestyles couple
but we didn't go to Hedo looking for another couple. We went to enjoy each
other. We did meet another couple who were involved. We had a great
conversation with them out at the nude hot tub. It turned a few heads,
attracted a few listeners. That's it. End of story.
We had to leave on Thursday so we didn't make the Toga party. Jennifer and
Tracey did get to go. Neither of them were able to tie a toga well but they
had a good time.
Leaving Hedo was difficult. Not the check out part, just leaving to go back
to reality. TimAir got us out of there in a larger plane with a family of
four. The flight was fun and Steph sat in the right-hand seat coming back. I
was surprised she didn't try to fly. We had paid for a private flight back to
Montego Bay. If you don't stop by TimAir's desk, they're not going to
volunteer to refund the difference on the flight.
The Montego Bay airport seems like it's been under constant construction for
the past 20 years. We arrived two hours before our flight. American's
computers had crashed and it took every bit of the two hours to check in, go
through two security checks and get on the plane. There are still areas where
there is not AC in the building. On top of that the flight was delayed 15
minutes while they removed passengers for baggage problems. We don't know if
they had too many bags or stuff they should have had in the first place. It
was their problem, not ours.
Enjoy the photos. Thanks to all the great people at the resort, including
Mark. As for all the great people we met, we do miss all of you and hope
you're going back sometime soon when we have the chance to get back down that
way.