April 1 through 8, 2000 Chicago Jake; jcesarone@ripco.com
This was a trip by two (or three, depending how you count it) aging male bachelors from Chicago. We are old college buddies, in our early 40s, who work hard 51 weeks of the year and like to relax, first and foremost, when we get to Hedo. This was my ninth trip overall, in nine years. I will make this report semi-sequential, although all days other than the first and the last tend to blur together!
Saturday, April 1, 2000
Flight left O'Hare Airport at 5:30 in the morning. My buddy Larry and I took a cab from my place to the airport, and arrived at the international terminal promptly at 3:30, as recommended by our TA. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten to check the tickets, and we should have been at terminal 3! We took the shuttle and got there in time anyway, and flew to Montego Bay by 10:30 local time. As luck would have it, there was a glitch in the aircraft schedule, and we had to circle over the nearby mountains for about 10 minutes waiting for a runway slot. Pretty cool, actually, as I'd never seen any of Jamaica by air before except the standard hair-raising airport approach. Lots of mountains, of course, with little (and some not so little) houses perched among the peaks.
We made the long hot walk to immigration, breezed through the lines (note: pick a line with families in it; they tend to go faster), had only carry-on baggage so we skipped right to customs and breezed through that as well. The bus only had the two of us and one other party of three, so we left immediately. We had a very slow driver for some reason, but we didn't stop, so still made it to Hedo pretty quickly, in about 90 minutes. The much ballyhooed "new road" is still a pipe dream, and we drove through a lot of construction dust, but it didn't seem to slow us down. Check-in was fast and glitch-free, they gave us our keys, and Larry and I proceeded directly to the main bar for our traditional "back home" shot-and-a-beer toast to the Hedo experience that was coming our way.
Went to the room to drop off our stuff, and found that the safe was screwed up. Called the desk, they sent out a repairman. He had to call for another repairman, and then another. All told, maybe 45 minutes were sunk in getting the safe fixed, but afterwards we had the warm comfy feeling that our passports (worth more than gold in these here parts) and money and tickets were safe. Next stop: Delroy's!
This was Saturday, which normally finds Delroy's smiling face waiting to greet us. But no Delroy! Never found out where he was that day. But Scumba and Grace filled in ably in his absence, and he was back on Tuesday, as usual. From this point on, the trip entered the "middle" zone, where time of day, and day of week, have little meaning.
Our other buddy, Terry, who usually travels with us, had decided to try something different this year, and went to Hedo 3 on Friday, one day before we left. We figured he'd hate it (or miss us) and roll into Hedo 2 by Monday. We were wrong; he rolled in on Sunday! He said Hedo 3 was a beautiful place, but boring due to lack of fun people. We were glad to have him back in the fold. We met many people all week who did the same thing, for the same reasons, including one couple who left Hedo 3 after 20 minutes! (they found out that the nude beach was closed, due to taking of brochure photographs).
One significant change this year from previous: a large number of prostitutes were roaming the resort. I'd seen one or two in previous years, but never so many, or so bold. I think SuperClubs is taking the "all inclusive" concept to a new level.
Another change this year: the art auction. I've heard this lamented on the message board, but it was really not very intrusive. The artworks were on display every evening in the dining room and elsewhere, but the auction was only held on Wednesday night, on the pool deck behind the stage. No problem, mon, easy to ignore. The art itself was not particularly impressive, at least not to this unschooled philistine's eye. On a possibly related note, the netting that used to hang between the pool and the main bar is gone; you know, the one that kept the volleyballs from crashing into the barware. I think the artwork on display is supposed to fulfill that function now.
A minor inconvenience this year were the bees. Never noticed them before, but this year they seemed to be out in force, particularly if you were imbibing a sweet drink like coke or a fruit juice. Not a huge problem, just a minor "fly in the ointment" so to speak.
This was the first year that we skipped the "repeat offenders" reception. It's nice, and you get to meet other repeaters, but we were having too much fun at the moment doing something else, even if I can't remember exactly what. Besides, at nine trips, we figured our chances of winning a free trip were nil; most winners were well into the upper teens or beyond. Imagine our chagrin when we found out that the winner had only seven trips! No problem, we'll get 'em another time. Moral of the story: keep the faith, baby.
One final change from past years: No lobster night! I remember Tuesday night dinner always being lobster, boy was that good. This year, we had to settle for shrimp bisque soup. It was tasty, but hardly a substitute for those big juicy succulent tails.
Most other things were the same as previous years: PJs on Tuesday, Togas on Thursday, pharmaceutical salesmen offshore in dilapidated blue boats, Dave raving it up in the piano bar four nights a week, entertainment coordinators with annoying whistles, highly variable water temperatures in the shower. As an added thrill, our bathroom light seemed unable to stay on for more than a minute or two, then would shut off for several minutes before coming back on again. We had to carefully time our shaving between the blackouts, or suffer the consequences!
Other than those minor changes and deviations, this year was like most years at Hedo: blissfully relaxing and yet energizing at the same time. It is probably best described in terms of a "typical day", although each day deviated from this pattern in its own sundry and amazing ways.
Start of a typical day (this should sound very familiar to you veterans; novices, take note of a schedule finely honed over years of practice to let one achieve maximum bang for the vacation buck): wake up around 8:30, regardless of when you went to bed. Grope around for your glasses (it's way too early for contacts) and mosey (slow Jamaican-style walk) up to the dining area. Pour yourself a cup of steaming hot coffee (can't wait for the roaming coffee guy). Sip deeply, savor the flavor and the aroma. Ahhhhh. Eyes begin to open. Nibble on some fruit, vowing today will be a healthy eating day. Maybe a muffin. Okay, an omelet too, what the heck. And some bacon, can't forget the bacon! Once the cholesterol is back up to speed, you are ready to face the day. Go back to the room, put on contacts and sunglasses, pack the beach bag (book, sunblock, swimsuit just in case, large cooler for adult beverages), wrap self with yesterday's beach towel, head for the nude beach. Go via the prude beach so you can check out the craft vendors and chuckle to yourself at the young prude hardbodies who just don't get it. Exchange towel at the dive shack, throw clean towel over shoulder, mosey past volleyball court to the nude beach. Sun or shade today, what'll it be? Find a nice spot, spread out, exhale, relax. What a day!
Typical day, continued: Apply sunblock. Wonder if that's enough, add some more, especially to nether regions. Vow not to drink til mid afternoon today. Oh what the heck, a coconut rum and pineapple juice hardly counts. Mmmm, that's good. Okay, one more. Try to read your pulp paperback, but its just too much damn work. Getting hot, time for a dip in the ocean. Grab a float (I like the big noodles myself), head out into the bay, wincing on the rocks. What a day! Slowly rotate, enjoying all 360 degrees of the view. Think about poor saps back home, slaving over a hot PC and scraping the ice off their windshields. Poor bastards. Time for lunch. More decisions! Club sandwich? Grilled turkey and cheese? Or a patty? Good thing there are enough days to try them all. Wash it down with a Red Stripe. Maybe two, they're kinda small. More lounging, more dipping in the ocean. Indulge in a Dirty Banana or two. Chat with your 20 or 30 new best friends. What's that, a Mudslide? Sounds good, I'll try one. Time oozes by. Eventually, it's 5 pm, time for a cigar; pull up a stool in the pool, belly up to the bar, and order a Jack Daniels on the rocks. What a day! Sun is getting lower, and the light is turning a golden shade of magic. Chow down some of Indiana's fabulous jerk chicken, then migrate to the hot tub with everyone else. Trade some jokes, share some small talk, grow an hour older in the company of like minded souls.
Typical day comes to evening: It's starting to get dark, head back to the room to shower. Don't mind the fluctuating water temperature, its all part of the fun. Grab an aloha shirt out of the closet, its all you've brought, and you can pretend you're as ripped as Magnum PI. Head up to the main bar in the dining room for your pre-dinner martini, after all, it's the only civilized way to kick off the evening meal. Food looks good tonight, but I forgot to make Pastafari reservations again! Dammit. No problem, the buffet is always good. Entertainment, I remember this act from last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Some things never change. What a day! After dinner, relax with a cup of that wonderful coffee, laced with a shot of Tia Maria. Wonder what the folks back home are doing? Poor saps. Time for a walk along the beach before Veronica's gets jumping. The stars are magnificent. Look at Orion, doing his slow dance across the sky. Is that Mars? Should have checked the astronomy website before I left home. Check out the disco. Same old same old, let's go sing in the piano bar. Dave is convincing someone to strip on top of the piano, piece by piece. Grab the mike, open your throat, and free your mind. You can't sing? Neither can anyone else, let it rip!
Typical day goes late into the night: Piano bar is closed, but the midnight snack is out. You're still full from dinner, but those grilled cheese sandwiches look really good. So does that do-it-yourself taco bar. It would be a sin to waste it, so arm-wrestle several handfuls down your throat. What a day! And now... it's hot tub time. Mosey down to the Jacuzzi, slip into the water; now you get to find out if you sunburned today! Take a look around, what do we have tonight? A rousing chat fest? An intimate encounter? A crowded house or a few stragglers? The bubbles wash away your cares. Relaxation is complete, and your mind is on cruise control. You might end the day in the hot tub, or in the disco, or with a slow mosey around the resort grounds, mumbling a half-hearted "yah mon" to the security guards on duty. Eventually, your bed sounds good, and you head back to your room, get horizontal, and dream about gentle waves and oceans of rum and three little birds on your doorstep......
Saturday, April 8, 2000
After six days that more or less fit the "typical day" scenario described above, we found ourselves facing a 6 am bus ride back to the airport! There wasn't enough time to get a decent amount of sleep, so we stretched the night out into morning, savoring every last drop of the Hedo experience. The bus picked us up on time and whisked us off to Mobay; some of our fellow passengers convinced the driver to stop at McDonalds on the way (a very good idea; we'd left too early for breakfast at Hedo, and the food at Sangster is pretty bad). We got to the airport and checked in, only to find that our flight was delayed: it was late leaving Chicago, because they had to de-ice the wings! Oh No!!!! But soon come, mon, and we eventually found ourselves back in the air, then on the ground, and then in a cab looking at the snow-flecked streets of Chicago. All in all, a very successful Hedo experience, guaranteed to be repeated next year........
Respect to all.... Chicago Jake jcesarone@ripco.com