H2 Nov. 21 Dec. 1, 2000
Chris & Doug
BORING ARRIVAL INFO: Breezed throughan airport
official just collected our customs forms and told us to continue on to the
terminal. So much for smugglers. Saw no signs of the long-awaited
multi-million-dollar airport renovation or expansion. Crews were hanging red
velvet bunting and garland on the pillars and staircases for Christmas.
TimAir has a new Cessna (well, used but nice) purchased
from Chris Blackwell, the owner/president of Island Records the guy who
discovered Bob Marley and promoted him worldwide.
Airborne to Negril, no signs of major improvements on the
road. Still sections of sand then stone then blacktop. The area around
Sand Bay looks the same as it did in March with the concrete bridge supports
only up and some misc. concrete work around.
We did spot many ganja patches in the morass/swamps right
across from Hedo/Lido. Measuring maybe 50 by 30, the plots are easy to spot by
their organized rows, not unlike a garden.
After touchdown took the cab that was specifically
waiting for us [HUH? What a surprise!] and we gave the driver the standard $5
tip because he said the ride was free. The craft market across the street is
temporarily relocated to a new spot nearby and open. We learned that theres a big open market and need for cabs
in Jamaica, but few to finance the cars. Many years ago friends of Chris
invested in Jamaican taxis, though, and were NOT happy with their investment.
Speedy check-in [a miracle?]. Registered with keys in
less than 5 minutes and Tony had our bags and bodies to the room immediately.
No one else was checking in at the time; the hotel had filled in much of our
paperwork for usthis is all a first for us. Hotel was surprisingly never
crowded during T-day week, and especially bare of folks the week after.
FOOD: The
food is at an all-time low in quality and variety. Saw the same choices in
fruit and salads every day. Strange that with all the indigenous fruits in
Jamaica they can only have a selection of pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew
melon, watermelon, bananas, and oranges most daysall stuff we see at home
regularly. Mango or star apples wouldve been nice, for example. Only twice
did we see papayabut sometimes we stole the entire fruit off the display.
Breakfast was usually good as always (Dougs fav meal).
Bacon was crisper than in past trips. Breads have improved tremendouslyat
all meals and the beach hamburger buns. Bangers (hot sliced sausages) and
Beans were served several mornings much to Dougs delight (and to the
horror of Chris who knows the effects this dish has on a certain companions
digestive tract). Juice dispensers are still scattered through the dining
room. We wish theyd put them back on the buffet and label whats in them.
Juice and water refills were dependable but coffee often took several
requests.
At lunch (Chriss fav meal), delicious fresh fish was
grilled almost every other day. Hedo also served grilled Italian sausage
sandwiches (no doubt made of missing Italians) with peppers and onions.
Wednesdays shepherds pie was better this trip but not served with
callaloo side dish as in the past. The pasta station (carving station) offered
nice linguini or bow-tie pasta with a red or white sauce with chopped tomato
and onions, minced garlic and oil and parmesan cheese condiments. The server
would mix your pasta and toppings and quick-heat it in a skillet for a
delicious treat. Unfortunatelyit went unmanned several days with no one to
stir-fry the selection. Not as good. Sliced cucumbers seemed to be a vegetable
at every meal. The cold cuts were scary looking, but actually tasty.
Dinner was the consistent loser. The buffet offered
little entre variety and the steak we did get (rib eye) was well spiced but
tough. Soups, normally terrific, were disappointing, with broth being served a
lot. Vegetable BEEF soup came in chicken broth stock.
Lobster remains a problem and wasnt on the menu.
Management says lobster tail has NOT been removed from the Hedo menu. There
have been severe shortages caused by over-fishing around Jamaica with all of
the hotels suffering as a result. But local restaurants all had lobstersome
had lobster specials. Conch is plentiful but we never saw any served. Hedo has
not been able to serve tail [but Doug found plenty of tail in other places
around the hotel] as it cant get the quantities necessary so its using
lobster meat for thermidor occasionally.
Prawns (big crayfish creatures) were servedpeel and
eat style. After all the work of peeling them, there wasnt much left to eat
although Doug suspected Chris could have done a lovely puppet show (ala
Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam) with the shells. Scarily enough,
Chinese night actually seemed the highlight of the dining experience. Turkey
at Thanksgiving was moist and tasty although the breast meat was gone by
8:15.
Desserts are still good with their bakery cranking out
some sweet treats and ice cream. Doug loved the chocolate tortes. He sampled a
few tarts as well but not in the dining room.
PASTAFARI had mixed opinions by our dining companions.
One night the restaurant ran out of beef tenderloin early. Service ranged from
excellent to slow. Champagne selection was dismal for the first few days with
only Asti available all over the hotel. Some Kraemer dry finally arrived.
Salads were not crisp and cold, and only the cream of pumpkin soup saved one
meal from disaster.
SCOTCH BONNET: A restaurant not quite. Its a
three-sided plywood wall, brightly painted with kitchen equipment hidden
behind it. Doug coined it Scotch-In-The-Box because it looked like a
stage prop. Service was provided to maybe 10 tables. It sits directly behind
the main stage on the outdoor deck. Seatings were at 7 and 8:30 with positive
reviews from most folks although the food is quite spicy.
At 2:30 a.m. Chris was not able to get any food from the
kitchen except some cracker-like cookiesafter MUCH begging at many levels
of staffso much for the old Snack Attack offer. Shortly after she was
turned down, a maintenance staff person said hed take care of us with
chicken if we took care of him (with $ obviously). Seemed sleazy so we
declined.
BAR SERVICE: Bar
service is much improved with minimal waits for beverages even in the
disco on PJ night. Beer taps remain removed from the public areas like the hot
tub/massage shack due to indulging by staff/security. Table cocktail service
in the dining room was sporadic, dependent on who your server was. Cleopatra
Blair never left us without a drink order and continues to shine as a
superstar in the dining room. Most other servers never asked us for drink
orders. The drink service on the beach from last year has apparently stopped.
FACILITIES: The
place looks TIRED. Weve never seen the stucco so dingy and stained. Several
views of the roofs show water pipes suspended by concrete blocks and wood
chunks- even a bucket. What appeared to be structural collapses were reported
to be Styrofoam insulation around the pipes that cracked and fell down. The
stucco covering made it look like concrete though. There were several leaks in
the dining room ceiling that were managed by piling towels on the floor around
the areas. Not pretty (or safe). Air conditioning in the disco has improved
although somewhat. They were painting the wood trim in the disco room itself
as we were leaving. One morning, the fire alarm bells started ringing and
continued for 15 minutes in the 2180 building. Doug and others went to
investigate and bang on doors while the staff went about their business as
though nothing was happening. It wasnt until an hour later that Doug was
told that maintenance was working on the system. Wonderful!
90% of the foot pathways have been resurfaced with
wonderfully smooth blacktop suitable for bare feeta welcome
improvement.
A concrete path has been laid in the sand from the last
break in the buildings on the nude side over to DelroysNo doubt for
rolling the hand trucks to delivering ice to the bar.
All the outside showers (prude too) have been rebuilt to
match the conch shells on the nude side. One conch by the massage shack
one behind the dive shack. Lets hope they dont paint these and leave
them natural. Chris will miss her pubic, uh, public bathing sessions, but is
grateful the on/off faucet has a chain so she can reach it and can now expand
her horizons and invite the short men to shower too.
ROOMS: New showerheads have been installed in the
bathroomsat least the ones we sawa great improvement. The pipes still
spin in the walls but you get a nice pattern and flow. The water pressure and
temperature variations arent as harsh as in the past and Chris actually
could shower with Doug at the same time without fear of scalding. Window
drapes are dry-rotting in many rooms and leaching water has caused many
bathroom doors and frames to rot. Rooms are still clean as ever. Our air
conditioner, one of the new ones, is already broken. The oscillator feature
was shot and it actually seemed to strain at times with the fan going from low
to high and back again like an asthmatic.
On a GOOD note 2 rooms at Hedo have been converted
for handicap access with enlarged bathroom doorways with bi-fold doors that
swing OUT and grab rails in the tubs! If only they were on the ground floor
(just kidding). The staff built one guest using a wheelchair a 2-inch high
ramp of birch wood to roll into Room 2141 in the H-block.
COLD TUB. Theyve installed a new ozonator sytem of
some type that leaves a hissing bubble sensation on top which reeks of pool
chemicals (bromine, Doug suspects). Very tough on the throat and nose, but the
tub was often filled.
NUDE POOL: Cloudy water all weekcouldnt read the
words HEDONISM II across the bottom of the pool unless you knew they were
there. (Hey, Chris is only ONE person and wasnt in the pool THAT much!).
Chris took belly dancing lessons from pal Cindy whiles standing on the
pool furniture one day and also won the best tits contest because they were so
wobbly and shook in ALL directions to much amusementtry that, saline gals!
Macarena performed daily by several folks on the pool tabletops.
HOT TUB. No bubbles in the seats on the Delroy side.
Buttons were often jammed on both sides. But the temperature was perfect all
weeknever too hot or colda rare gift. The nearly-every-evening cocktail
hour car wash game took many variationswith people deciding the car had to
spin instead of the car washersand many cars were filthy so they had to
have their headlights cleaned repeatedly. To better control the male cars, the
ladies decided to float them through on mats. Sometimes a car would become
stuck because of an equipment malfunction. Low pressure on the guys
required some manual inflation by the lady washers, if only briefly.
Saw new doors and locks on nude pool bathrooms. (new room
numbers toowho couldve put those on there?) Ask for Rooms 2301 &
2302 when checking in.
Several new palm trees (seedlings?) have been planted on
the nude beach. There was lots of dead vegetation all around the property that
was finally being weeded when we left. Vegetation is rapidly climbing
the mural wall at the hot tub. But the mural is still looking good.
We saw crab traps hanging from the rocks in the jetty.
Spear fishing by the locals happened almost daily although illegal in
Negril. Numerous lobsters caught daily. We had friends purchase the
fresh-catch and take it to the nude grill where it was cooked to their order
at the nude beach grill.
The board games which used to be in the game room have
been relocated to the slot machine room for use by guests (?).
The cyber caf is almost up and running. 2 PCs are
in the telephone nook off the main lobby. Phone line problems (absence?) have
prevented their going on-line. We were told that thered be a flat-fee of $3
to connect to the Internet for unlimited use.
The cigarette machine is now in Veronicas with 3
brands - Newport, Marlboro Red
and Marlboro Lights. $4 US per pack not bad considering prices at home.
DUTY FREE: Lachi
is still in good supply of Cuban cigars as well as the much-cherished and
seldom-seen Girl in the Moon gold charm that has eluded many of us.
BOUTIQUE: Great
supply of slut dresses and other clothing. Their leather/S & M gear
selection is HUGE. The stores back home dont have their inventory.
MASSAGE SHACK: Manicures and pedicures are now available.
Manicure: $18; pedicure: $23. Repair: $5 and other services. 1-hour massage is
still $60/ Half-hour is $40. Four-hand 1-hour massage is $120.
COLOR NEGRIL is not showing proof sheets anymorejust
finished photos you can buy on the spot for $8 each. Color Negril was not in
evidence much at allreally only during dinnertaking pics of only clothed
people in couples or groups and only with the subjects permission. They
still video the dive trips. Cameras, even by the guests, were rarely even seen
during PJ night. Speaking of PJ night, Chris was mighty glad she had her
paddle with her for good and bad reasons.
HOOKERS: Only a few seen because attendance at Hotel was
low. They were prettier than in the past but seeing a woman in evening bimbo
attire at breakfast is disconcerting.
TRAVEL CHANNEL: We were both interviewed (clothed)
separately by the Travel Channel folks who were visiting for two days
(complimentary). Show should air
in March. The producer told us he didnt want to take naked pics because he
couldnt use them. He said the segment was part of a piece about The Top
10 Nude Beaches in the World. But later that afternoon, the film crew and
producer took a Hedo boat ride over to the nude beach to use their telephoto
lenswith results that made the guests furious. There were close-ups of a
couple copulating on the raft and another man with a hard-on watching them.
Some guests complained heartily and got to watch the tape with management
present and were able to force the filmers to erase that segment even though
the producer claimed the copulating couple looked like they were just cuddling
and that no one was identifiable. We feel betrayed and never wouldve done
the interview if we had suspected the producer would be taking those shots.
The complainers each received 3 free days for their irritationnow we regret
not making a fuss! The Hedo portion will be less than 5 minutes of the total
hour-long show. The producer DID seek Doug out to apologize for any problems
although Doug wasnt involved. Doug told him hed accept AFTER he sees the
show in March.
The SPANKSGIVING MACY DAY PARADE was a successalthough
the 100 bodies exact (Chris did the head-count again this year) didnt beat
last years 122 leaving and 126 returningwe were better undressed this
year with reindeer antlers and Santa sleigh pulling up the rear (thanks,
Joanie!). The crowd at Sandals
all came out to wave and cheer us, unlike last year. I guess we were the
afternoons entertainment. We were stopped briefly by Sandals security at
the fence being told it was not permitted. Mary (one of our reindeer
complete with red nose) just walked right past with us in tow. We were
escorted the entire way without a problem. We learned later that Sandals
management in fact called Hedo to THANK us for making their guests so
HAPPY, and were we going to do it AGAIN?
TOGA NIGHT: Chris played the Pied Piper and blew off
[Mind out of gutter please!] the coordinator leading one leg of the conga toga
line on T-day and brought 60-70 sheet-dressed people over to Lido to press
their naked bums against the windows for the late diners to admire and traipse
across the stage that featured a singer and maybe 5 people in the audiencewe
were all chanting who let the dogs out? all the way home.
REPEATER PARTIES: Brief one lasting less than 15
minutes. First night had little food and virtually no management
representation. They said Hi and Whos been here the most and it
was over. No future plans announced. Second week was emceed by Marc Smith (Sizzler)
who did a better job and with better food. Marc said Hedo will be building
SUITESbut didnt elaborate on this. Heard this before? One personsomeone
weve never seen beforewon with 22 trips. Management actually quizzed
some guests about peoples actual trip counts. The beef served was not half
as incredible as it has been in the pasttoo tough even though cooked rare.
(Even the normally incredible tenderloin served at the restaurant LTU
Pubnext to Ricksdidnt have the same buttery texture it has had in
many past visits.)
Doug managed to transport 30 t-shirts and shorts from his
fire department to the Negril firehouse for the firefighters. They were
appreciative. One fireman took off his OWN shirt and offered it to Doug
which he gladly accepted.
Also noted on the way to Negril for dinner that new
sewer/water lines are being installed and repaving of Manley Blvd. at ALL
hours of the night. The flagmen with no reflective clothing or lights were
using tree branches as flagsnot safe at 10 p.m. Looks like the Negril end
(Hedo to town) will have a very nice road someday.
TAXIS: Some
of the staff use their cars as freelance cabs to earn extra $, but if
management finds out they could lose their jobs. We like spreading the
wealth to our Jamaican friends, but you have to be discrete and just ask
around with the staff if you need a cab driver.
STAFF: Robin aka Kitty Cat has been moved from wedding
coordinator (now its Lorna) back to the entertainment dept. Aside from
Robins one Diana Ross performance on talent night he was seldom seen.
(Wedding couples now can use a portable white ornamental metal archway that
Lorna has had made for part of their ceremony if they like.)
Faye Pennicooke in reservations was on a long vacationso
was Delete, but Tamika does just as good a job at the tour desk.
Chubby (Paul) is back full-force in entertainmentand
he no longer openly hawks his music. Marie and Crazy Anton were fabulous all
week as were the 6 or 8 Cuban SuperClubs EC trainees. The coordinators are
more dressed than in the past. The days of scantily clad ECs is overwell
except for some of Maries darling short shortsthank god.
Marc is PR Manager and has an office. Its odd to see
him in slacks and shirts (and sometimes suitcoats) every dayand underwear!
Tavis is now director of Promotions and was off to London for a club promotion
as we arrived. He claims never to wear underwear.
Bunny is supervisor of housekeeping in the prude section
and would greatly appreciate anyone coming by to visit for a few minutes.
Joe Smith was rarely seen and Donna Grant appears to be
running the show. She seems to have a no-excuses attitude for poor performance
by the staff. Her new title is hotel manager, not resident manager.
LUNCHTIME SPIN: The constant daily start of lunchtime
spin with the Cha-cha-cha dance really wore thinyawn. ECs held the same trivia contest (with the same questions)
during lunchtime spin only 2-3 days apart too. Doug cleaned up in Hedobuckswe
left the property with 660,000 in Hedo bucks collected over the years (and we
dont even use a photocopier!) and didnt spend them because the only
prizes are the standard bottles of booze and our cabinets are already full of
them. No t-shirts, lunch coolers, playing cards or any other gifts available.
Doug entered the Bodies in Motion contest at Chriss urging (his first
attempt ever). He did OK for a first-timer until a studly male model/dancer
from Maryland stole the show with incredi-body moves that would knock down
buildings and included gymnastics only a Navy Seal could master. Even the ECs
said theyd never seen anyone as good as this guy. Chris got some wonderful
sexual position ideas from him. Sadly, none of the 3 guys not placing got a
single hedobuck for participating in this contest (and having to suffer their
loss of dignity by The Body Incredible.)
There was some talk of the Hedo bucks being made in a
harder-to-reproduce formatbut cripes, who cares because of the boring
(&heavy) parting gifts? (One pretty blonderemember her, boys?from
Chicago made it home with nine booze bottles she wonput them in her
carry-on!) Wed would like to see Hedo make discount coupons or certificates
(such as $25 off a day at Hedo) be what you receive as prizes or can buy with
Hedo bucks to encourage more people to take part in the hotels activitiesgive
people a vested interest in playing/winning.
The SuperClubs Sunshine Guarantee was used by many on
Nov. 30a day of constant drizzlebut we havent received our
certificate yetbut that was less than a week ago.
Met many new friends by going in a usually slow week (after T-day), the crowd averaged older than the norm, which is not in itself an issue, just an observation. The week was pleasant, but uneventfulexcept for that orgyafter the T-day crowd left.
Best regards,
Chris and Doug