We did our first trip the last week of April 1998, and ended up at Hedo on luck alone.  We had gone to a travel agent, and said we wanted all adult, all inclusive, west coast of Jamaica.  Past that, we were shopping price.  The travel agent quoted us Sandals, Swept Away, and a couple others.  But Hedo had the best price and still all the amenities we wanted.  She tried to talk us out of it as it was “for a younger, party crowd”.  But we were going to relive our youth, so off we went. 

 

We had no intention of doing the nude thing, but long story short, we were sitting naked in the cold water Jacuzzi on our second day and planning our return trip the following year.  Our second trip was again the last week of April 99.  We had met a few people that first trip who said they returned the same week every year, so we figured if it was good enough for them, it was good enough for us.  That entire year before our second trip passed entirely too slow, and I can remember when we finally got back, it seemed surreal.  I will never forget standing at the main bar right after we got there, getting our first drinks, and looking at the columns that support the roof in the main dinning area.  I just couldn’t believe we were back! 

 

To back up a little bit, on our trip down for that second trip, we saw a couple on the plane who looked familiar from the year before.  Turns out they were members of the Buttcrack TOURS.  We ended up sharing a TimAir flight with them, and during that second trip, we became friends with them and many members of the BC Tours.  So during that year between the second and third trips, we got together with a number of the couples we met, and it made the time pass easier.  We even brought in the new millenium with fellow hedonists.  We also formed a friendship with a number of folks via the internet between that second and third trip, and that helped bunches too. 

 

So our third trip was less surreal, and more of an extended family reunion with people we see too little of during the rest of the year.  This third trip was WAY different from the first two, but probably has more in common with trips to come.     

 

The Preparation

 

As expected, we took just as much luggage as years before.  But we took less items we didn’t need, and more of the things we missed on the second trip.  Specifically, Bev took a ton of sexy dresses, shoes, jewelry, and spent the week strutting her stuff.  She spent the entire year before shopping the sales racks, and even found a thrift store that had a "Fredricks of Hollywood/Victoria’s Secret” section.  Of course, the week before we went, she had to decide which seven of her nearly 20 outfits she was actually going to take.  But that’s fine.  I enjoyed the fashion show as a nice precursor to the main event!!!   

 

Good Start/Bad Start

 

The previous trips we had flown USAir.  This trip, we booked through GoClassy and they put us on Delta/Air Jamaica.  We were excited about it as we were going to get into MoBay almost two hours earlier than we would have on USAir.  The trip could not have gone smoother.  The Air Jamaica plane had much less leg room than US Air, and on that length flight, it was a pain.  But their food was much better, and the complimentary champagne was quite a surprise.  We had a strong tail wind, and were going to arrive in MoBay 20 minutes early.  We had to circle due to other traffic, but still got on the ground right on time. 

 

Immigration was backed up out into the hall.  We managed to squeeze our way in and get at the end of the far line.  And then a lady came and took the end of the line and opened a new booth, so we ended up zipping through there.  Our luggage was already off the belt, and TimAir was putting us in their taxi in just a few minutes for the ride to the commuter terminal.  We arrived at the TimAir terminal, and immediately were whisked to the waiting 6 seater Cessna with what appeared to be a 19 year old Cuban pilot. 

 

Got to Hedo to discover computers on the desk.  We were told to sit in the middle area, and they handed us a sheet to fill out.  Maybe 15 minutes later, we were handed our key, and the time was a quarter after noon.  A new record. 

 

That was the good.  Now the bad.  Like most people, we ended up getting way too drunk that first night.  I always end up stubbing my toe on that little step in front of the drink fountain at the hottub, so this year I was determined, drunk or not, to avoid that little unpleasantry.  And I DID avoid it.  But unfortunately, as we are getting out of the hottub to go back to the room, in my drunken state, I manage to kick the speaker that looks like a rock.  I knew I had stubbed it bad, but being that drunk we went back to our room and passed out.  Woke up the next morning, and couldn’t even stand up.  You got it, I had broken the middle toe on my left foot.  Oh well, I finally got to see a part of Hedo I had hoped never to see, the nurses station.  They taped it up, and it only slowed me down that first day (walking in the sand with a broken toe is NOT fun). 

 

I took the toe out that night and got it drunk.   

 

The Food and Drink-The Good and the Bad-Just Like Last Year

 

Roberts Grill continues to be the best readily available fare.  The buffet at the main dinning hall always has good stuff on the cold salad bar, but the hot bar is many times less than spectacular.  Sunday night steaks were tasty, and the jerked pork on one of the nights was good.  But otherwise, nothing to scream about.  We did finally manage to hit the midnight snack for the first time.  They did grilled cheese sandwiches at the prude grill one night.  So between doing that, and actually going to the prude grill, we had two firsts!  lol!  Robert asked us to mention they need a new, larger fry machine for Roberts famous fries.  We complied with that request when we filled out our exit survey.

 

We did Pastafari’s on Wednesday night.  Unlike last year, we showed up sober.  The food and service were excellent.  And we really enjoyed the champagne (in moderation). 

 

Delroy’s ran out of banana’s one day.  A Hummingbird just isn’t the same.  So I went with Mudslides (Bev never varies from her Purple Tongues, er, Rains, that is).  What the hell happened to the beer tapper at the hottub?!?!!  We heard later that the staff had been gulping beer.  Maybe so, but don’t penalize us guests.  I have seen on Denny’s board that the tapper is back.  Good thing.   

 

Love is In the Air, or at least the water…

 

The first year, the sex police were quite active.  We haven’t seen them sense.  More PDA during the day this year than last, and even several good shows during the social hour in the hottub.  Ain’t hedo grand.   

 

Travel Channel

 

The Travel Channel was there filming most of the week.  They put up signs saying if you don’t want to be filmed, stay out of the area.  That was fine, but they only have one toga party.  So it was either be filmed, or don’t get on the floor.  But there was one large advantage to them being there on PJ night.  Let me say that mid week, it got really hot in Jamaica.  Very little breeze, and humid.  Even at night it was uncomfortable.  They had the PJ party up in the main building.  Not because of the heat, but because of the crowd and the filming.  We showed up for the PJ party, but not only was it hot, it seemed that things were too spread out to appreciate what everyone was, or was not wearing.  I like being able to stand at the bar in the disco and watch everyone come in.  So we walk over to the main bar to get a drink, and run into a number of our friends who say they are still having a PJ party in the disco for those who don’t want to be filmed, so off we go to the disco. 

 

What a GREAT PJ party.  Many of the hardcore nudists were at the disco, and it was WAY less crowded than usual.  Sure, there were still plenty of people, but not nearly as bad as years past.  They had all the same contests, and again, we won third best couple.  Just like last year, we wore nothing opaque, skin to win, and we did.  We were also proud in that Ohio swept the competition.  Two other couples from our hometown were there, and they took first and second! 

 

The only negative to the party was one drunk vinnie who thought he had the right to grab our ladies.  Hats off to several of us for not decking the guy (although I found that when I dance I occasionally swing my elbows in a large lip fattening way).  Everyone could tell he was so drunk he could hardly walk, and that’s what saved his ass for sure. 

 

Entertainment

 

Not sure we caught a single show this year.  We watched part of the beach Soca party they had on Saturday night.  And while we didn’t go on the floor and participate, we watched the Battle of the Sexes and the Toga bash.  But we were usually off with friends during most of the other shows.  We spend much more time in Veronica’s and the disco than previous years, but that was our plan going down. 

 

We also saw less and participated in less of the daytime activities.  The entertainment staff was mostly new.  Marc was his usual self, but many of the events just didn’t seem to be rolling like they did in past years.  We especially missed seeing Lewis.  And although not part of the entertainment staff, Augustus was around and his usual pleasant self.  We like to sit down at the edge of the water, and we always speak to him.  So by the third day he said he’d have our chairs ready for us. 

 

Things we missed before, but took care of this trip

 

We finally took our photo (several actually) in front of the “Nude Beach-No Photography Allowed” signs. 

 

Took a photo of the Buttcrack Tour sign

 

Tried the fish from Robert’s to supplement the jerked chicken at the 6:00pm happy hour.  Very good, but very hot!

 

Put our feet in the prude pool, just to say we did it.  As expected, we pulled them out, and there were socks on them!  lol!

 

Regrets

 

Like a lot of people, we totally misread the controls on the air conditioner.  It may seem elementary, but when it says “reduce” the temperature, it is easy to think in terms of “turn the AC down”.  WRONG!  We took a nap Wednesday afternoon, and that thing was blowing on us so cold we ended up getting stopped up heads that night.  So to help everyone out, I took a photo of the control.  You want to turn the control UP, not down.    

 

Still never waited out the omelet line at breakfast.  But as we only made it to one breakfast, no surprise there. 

 

That I didn’t throw that hat Bev took into the Caribbean and take an Aussie bush hat for her like Keri wore!  lol!

 

Missed the “Find Your Mate” contest.  I assume they had it.  Although we had no intention of participating, it was a laugh riot to watch last year.

 

We already discussed the toe.  Four weeks later, and it’s STILL sore! 

 

And one of our biggest regrets; we stayed pretty much hammered those first three days.  We only remember select pieces of it.  We MUST have had a good time, but next year we hope to pace ourselves better. 

 

Hope to see you next year, if not sooner

 

We were really wearing down those last few days.  Only three hours sleep a night will do that to you.  We are considering only doing 5 nights next April, but making up for it by returning in the fall.  We are already pricing a 4 night stay in October 2000. 

 

To Fred and Mo, Bill and Joyce, John and Myrtle, Ken (that’s a big f*^#king machete you’ve got there!) and Keri, Chris and Pam, Robin and Deb, the Columbus Ohio contingent, and all our good friends in the Buttcrackers, can’t wait till next year!  

 

 

Dave “DaveInApril” and Bev