C and G Trip Report, 3/6/00 – 3/12/00  

Where does one begin to describe the best vacation of one’s life and a trip that was almost mystical?  As so many other have said in their trip reports, it will be impossible to give a day by day description of the trip, but I will hit on the highlights and offer some advice to first time visitors based on our experiences.  

The trip started On Sunday night, 3/5 with a direct red eye flight from LA to MoBay.  It turned out to be more of a red eye than we anticipated.  The flight was scheduled for 10:15pm and eventually took off at 3:05am.  Fortunately, Air Jamaica called us earlier in the day and informed us that there was a delay (although they said 1:30am, but we called that night and got the update to 3:15am).  The flight was LONG and very uncomfortable.  I have flown a lot over the years and have never experienced a plane with so little leg room as the Air Jamaica plane.  

We arrived at MoBay somewhere around 10:30am on Monday, 3/6 and got the van over to TimAir for the short flight to Negril.  Although many people had advised us to take the bus “at least once for the experience”, we opted for the plane.   G (the female half of C and G) has a tendency for motion sickness and we decided that it wouldn’t be cool to start our vacation with an upset stomach.  Looking down at the road that the bus takes from the plane, we were glad we made the decision we did.  For those of you debating the bus versus the plane, we would strongly recommend the plane and Tim Air.  The flight was great and we did get to see a lot of Jamaica, but just from a higher perspective.  The flight was beautiful and smooth.  The plane was a “vintage” model Cessna with four seats (including the pilot’s seat!).  G described it as a VW Bug with wings, but it was A LOT more comfortable than Air Jamaica!  

When we arrived at Hedo, we were greeted at the front desk by our online buddy, Herb, whom we had met as a result of Denny’s visitor board.  Herb and his beaituful wife Joyce had been there for a couple of days before we arrived and it was great to have an immediate group of friends to hang with even before we had checked in.  Since we got there around noon, our room was not immediately available, but no problem, mon.  It turns out that we arrived just in time to grab some lunch and watch the Wet T-shirt contest with our new friends.  The contest was a lot of fun.  The first 4 days we were at Hedo there were several models from Perfect 10 who were there to do some photo shoots.  They were great people and lots of fun (as were Vickie and Michael who were there with them to coordinate the photo activities), but we felt that perhaps they should have been excluded from the various contests since they were professional models.  I suspect their participating in the Wet T-shirt contest changed its complexion from what it normally is.   

As soon as the contest was over we went back to the desk and immediately got our keys.  We got room 2241 in H Block (garden view nude).  It was a great room.  It was right off the main path between the nude hot tub and the dining area and about equally close to each.  It was sufficiently far away from the disco and basketball courts that neither of them was ever a factor for us.  We heard from other people that being upstairs was an advantage too as the upstairs rooms were apparently more quiet than downstairs rooms.  Yes, the water pressure varied widely and yes, the temperature fluctuated as though there was some sadist behind the wall changing it every five seconds or so, but overall, we didn’t really mind it.  In fact, I found my first shower back home to be rather boring with the constant stream of perfectly adjusted water.  They should take hidden camera pictures of the dances that go on in the showers as the temperature changes.  It would be hilarious!  Beware, though...the marble floors in the room are like ice skating rinks when wet…very dangerous!  

We originally booked an ocean view room, but decided to take the garden view and use the savings to pay for the Tim Air flight.  I would recommend this.  As nice as I am sure the ocean view rooms are, we literally did nothing but sleep and shower (Ok, and make love) in the room.  Virtually every waking moment was spent outside the room and we rarely looked out the window at the “view”.  

We decided the first night to “shift” our days.  We stayed up very late and slept late.  We got as much Hedo time as anyone else that way, but were able to do all the “night stuff” and stay in the hot tub until the wee hours.  We only made it to breakfast one day during our trip and that was only because G had resolved that she would have at least one breakfast at Hedo.  We set the alarm for the first and only time on that day.  

About the food….it was very good, but not great.  However, Hedo first timers have to keep in mind that it is a buffet.  When was the last time you got truly outstanding food at a buffet?  We were always able to find plenty of food that we liked and it was generally very good.  The service in the dining room was excellent.  Pastafari’s was terrific!  We ate dinner there twice during our stay (be sure to make resrvations early in the day – thanks Herb, without you we would never have eaten there since we never got up early enough to make the reservations).  I read a lot on the board before we left about the slow service at Pastafari’s.  We didn’t notice it being slow at all.  But then again, we went both times with great friends and we were talking and having fun throughout the meal, so I don’t know that we would have noticed if the service was slow.   

We ate lunch (breakfast for us) virtually every day at Roberts Grill on the nude beach.  The hamburgers were not very good, but they were more than made up for by the jerk chicken served everyday at 6:00pm (or whenever it got there from the main kitchen).  (Suggest the club sandwich or BLT for lunch).  

We had big plans to do lots of things, but we found ourselves saying, “Ok, we’ll do that tomorrow” over and over again.  We didn’t take the C/O catamaran cruise because we were concerned about G’s motion sickness (and also because we never woke up early enough to get down there in time!).  Others that did take it said it was great and strongly recommended the foot massage by Steve (which, we understand, sometimes turned into a tonsil massage, right Beth? J).  

Our days mostly consisted of sitting on lounges at the beach for a while and having our “brunch”, moving to the pool when it got a little warm, then to the cool jacuzzi and finally to the hot tub for happy hour which began promptly at 5:00pm each day.  I know that sounds boring, but believe me, it was anything but.  We spent most of our time with the great friends we met there and it was a laugh a minute.  G did go snorkeling one day and, thanks to her able instructor Herb, had a great time.  

A word or two about Vinnies and Wallies: We were there during Spring Break so there were probably more vinnies than usual.  We thought that would be a problem, but we actually didn’t mind the vinnies too much.  They  provided some amusement in the hot tub from time to time.  We especially liked the one we nicknamed, SwivelHead.  He was in the hot tub in his usual spot every night for the first four nights of our visit.  He couldn’t decide where to look first and as a result his head continually darted from side to side, never staying in one place for more than a second.  This went on for HOURS every night!  It was very funny.  The vinnies tended to be lookers and we didn’t mind them.  The wallies were another story, however.  Many were absolutely disgusting and a total turn off.  We had to chase one of them one night.  This particular wally’s “move” was to get himself out in the middle of the cloverleaf of the hot tub and slowly move backward until he was in physical contact with a woman.  One night he got to within a foot of G and I said “Excuse me!”  He scurried off like a cockroach when you turn the light on!  We hated the wallies.  One even had the audacity to actually sit on the edge of the hot tub and stroke himself.  Our opinion is that even though the single guys do add a dimension to Hedo, it would be a lot more enjoyable if the resort was couples only…..sorry guys, just our opinion.  It just seemed like for every nice, respectful single guy, there were five jerks.  

Highlights of the trip:  

        PJ Night – Great fun and very sexy night.  Wear as little and be as sexy as you dare and I guarantee there will be plenty of people with less and sexier stuff on.  Congratulations to Herb and Joyce and Dave and Becky for their first and second place finishes in the “Best Couple” category.  Their Western outfits were GREAT and very sexy!

        Naked Twister – I am prohibited from giving the full story here, (what happens in Jamaica, stays in Jamaica).  Suffice it to say that as the contestants dropped out, the competition came down to just our buddy Herb and one other man who was apparently very excited to be in the competition, if you get my drift.  J

        G winning the “Best Boobs” competition.  While she does, indeed, have great boobs, and certainly deserved her title as “Ms. Best Hedo Boobs”, we also found out that winning at Hedo is not so much about who you know, but how loud they can cheer.

        The music and the people of Hedo.  We loved the Reggae music out by the pool (especially Short Dick Man and “The Pussy Song” – not its actual title).  The staff at Hedo are incredible people and the Jamaican people generally were the most pleasant, happy people we have ever met anywhere in the world.

        The woman with the single mastectomy who seemed so comfortable with her body and who never stopped smiling.  If you’re reading this, we want you to know that you were truly inspirational.

        The fountain in the middle of the wading pool in front of the “cave” which we dubbed “The Big Gulp”.  Use your imagination and you will get a picture of why it was so much fun (hint: It has nothing to do with drinking the water!)

        The dirty dice/spinner game in the hot tub on Thursday.  Terrific fun and very sexy!  It was a great Hedo initiation for Bob and Elisa who had just gotten to Hedo literally hours before for their honeymoon!  (Suggestion: The spinner game called “Wheel of Passion” works a lot better than the dice since you can stand in the middle and just hold it.  Rolling dice is difficult in the water!)

        Last but certainly not least in the highlight category was meeting Bob and Elisa towards the end of our trip.  They helped us “survive” our last day and a half when, one by one, all of the wonderful people we had spent the week with had to leave.  G and I shared some very special times with them. and they are truly beautiful people.  

Advice to people making their first trip:  

        Take Tim Air to Negril.  While some people said the bus ride “wasn’t too bad”, we didn’t meet anyone who said, “You HAVE to take the bus, it was great!”

        You MUST bring a 32 oz insulated cup WITH one of those plastic flexible straws (we remembered the cups but forgot the straws and ended up buying two Hedo cups just to get the straws!  Two $12 straws!).  Waiting for drinks all day with those little plastic glasses is not fun.

        PRE TAN!!!!!!  Go to the tanning booth at least a month before Hedo (maybe even two).  We saw more than a few people whose vacations had to have been ruined by bad burns. 

        Bring your Toga outfit/material.  It’s a lot easier that way.  We bought some material at JoAnn Fabrics before we left and practiced a little before we left.

        Email people on Denny’s visitor list prior to going.  We made great friends before we even got there and it made the trip a lot more enjoyable and started the fun right away.

        Bring earplugs for the disco.  It is so loud that your ears might actually bleed without them.  There has no doubt been a lot of permanent hearing loss incurred at Hedo over the years by people who didn’t use earplugs.

        Say hello and introduce yourself to as many people as possible.  You never know if the next person you say hello to might be a life long friend.

        Don’t take too many clothes.  We managed to do the trip with only carry on (despite G taking 4 pairs of “slut shoes” J)  We were very proud that we wore everything we brought except for one dress that G bought in case her mood went in that direction when she got there.  Take your sexiest stuff and strut it.  If not at Hedo, then where??

        Bring single dollar bills and lots of them!  Everyone who touches your bags at either airport gets $1 per bag and A LOT of people touch them!  Also smaller bills help you in terms of not getting Jamaican in change when you buy something off campus.  The shops at Hedo give change in U.S.

        However many disposible cameras or rolls of film you plan to bring, triple or quadruple the number.  You will take more pictures than you have ever taken on a vacation before.  Don’t be like us and have to pay $20 for a disposible camera that would cost $6 at Wal-Mart.

        Be careful of all the little senseless steps that seem to be everywhere for no apparent reason (some of them literally a couple of inches high!).  It is very easy to trip and/or stub your toes at Hedo.  I think I banged my toes on the little step in front of the soft drink machine at the nude hot tub every single night.

        Pace yourself and try not to drink too much (not an easy task at Hedo).  We found that the strawberry dacquari (sp?) slush in the machine next to Robert’s was the perfect drink.  It tasted great, was very refreshing, and had just enough alcohol to keep you happy all day without getting you blasted.  One day it was broken and I was banging down 32oz Sunsets all day…not a great idea!  

Miscellaneous:  

        There was plenty of open sex in the hot tub, especially at night, but also in broad daylight during “happy hour”.  We were surprised by the recent post on Denny’s board by someone saying that they didn’t see any open sex the entire week they were there.  We saw it (and participated in it) every day and it was a lot of fun.

        The “sex police” were virtually nonexistent all week.

        There were plenty of rafts available, but as one poster said before we left, if no one brought them, the supply would soon dwindle.   

Special thanks to Herb & Joyce, Dave and Becky (winner of the Best Tan contest!).  They were, and are, very special friends and helped make our trip the fantastic experience that it was.  Also thanks to Tom and Kathy, two very funny and uninhibited people who never failed to make us laugh.  Thanks to Gary and Beth who are great people and whose foot rub story provided us with great conversation every one of the 100 times we brought it up.  Finally, thanks to Bob and Elisa for a wonderful last couple of days.  You are very special people and we miss you.  All of you are invited to come to California any time and we will have a great time.  

Now, back to planning for our next trip “home” to this wonderful, mystical place.  

Maximum respect every time…..  C and G