The Bachelor is out of Bed
After spending 7 days at Hedo and 3 days in bed recovering, I have physically made it back from my bachelor party and am still alive. Oh, and no, my bachelor party was not a joke, we did go to Hedo 2 for a week. Oh, and no, there were not 25 of us. There were 26. A lot of people have been waiting for a report on what it is like to have your bachelor party at Hedo 2. How many people we offended, how many trips we ruined, how many times we got called Vinnies and how many times we had our shorts pulled off? Well, let's see what I remember…
March 2, 2000: Informed that all of my friends are taking me on my bachelor party. Just to clarify how old our group was, I am 29. My wedding is in September. Why would anyone have a bachelor party in March when you are getting married in September? First indication of our groups mentality. As if Hedo weren't enough by itself, we had to coincide with College Spring Break so there would be even more people in Jamaica.
Immediately go to amazon.com and get Chris Santilli's book, The Naked Truth about Hedo 2. I had it sent overnight since there were only 8 days until my trip. A must for every White Ass (what I call first timers).
I then innocently post message on Denny's board. All hell brakes loose. >From what I read, Denny P had 102,000 hits on 3/2/00. Are you kidding me? What the hell have I done? None of my friends even know about this war that I have started and already there are people changing their trips, telling us to go elsewhere …"Scrub" even went so far as to analyze our group and it was hysterical. Some Scrub said "let's face the facts:" 1. How many guys have 26 close friends 2. How many friends are willing to take a week off and go on vacation with you? And Give up $1000 plus in wages for the week! 3. How many wives will let you go? 4. How many friends can shuck out 2 Grand to go away?
Scrub, to answer your questions, I guess I have 26 close friends; all of them are willing to take that time off and spend that kind of money to come on my bachelor party. I have the best kind of friends. The kind that have the vision to realize that if you are going to plan a bachelor party, why not plan it for a week in Jamaica at an all inclusive naked resort. I just hope that I can plan their bachelor parties. As far as the wives go - I can honestly tell you that if it weren't for the wives and girlfriends, there would have been 40 people. On with the story.
At this point, I am in a state of panic. I spend the next 3 days wrapped up at my computer, sending messages back and forth to tons of different people. Hell, I don't know if I had more people who were looking forward to meeting me or if there were more people trying to avoid me. Then I thought, "Why chatter aimlessly on the internet with all of these people when it is my trip? Make the most of it." So I did.
In the days Leading up to the Trip, I printed out all of the emails pertaining to my bachelor party. How else could I explain the chaos that I had created to all of my friends without the proof. So I prepared myself for the group. I had the 65 pages bound so that all of the gang could read it while they were riding on the bus ride from the airport to Hedo 2.
Land at the airport in Jamaica, looking to meet up with the rest of the group. We were making balloon animal hats for people on our plane from Atlanta along with handing out the lapel pins to the flight attendants for free drinks. I will explain the pins later. We were not hard to recognize. Especially since we brought Ewing on the trip. Ewing is a 4 foot tall gorilla stuffed animal. He comes on a lot of our trips and plays in our golf tournaments. You could say that he is our mascot. He rode in the overhead compartment.
At first site with the group, they recognized my 3 foot blonde afro wig that I was wearing through the airport. This was the first time that I learned who was even on my bachelor party trip. There were a lot of surprise guests and we had an awesome crew of friends and we were headed to Hedo.
I highly recommend the bus ride if you ever go to Jamaica with 26 friends. Otherwise, take the plane. The bus ride took nearly 3 hours because of the continuous beer, bathroom, and bud stops that were made along the way. 3 hours later, we arrive at Hedo and you could stick a fork in me because I was DONE!
Within 7 minutes of getting off of the bus at Hedo, I lost my sunglasses. Luckily, I brought a second pair. Lost those the next day. From the moment that I arrived until the moment that I left, I had the time of my life. Hedo is an adult playground. Do you want to hear a first timers opinion on the place? Prude side, nude side? Bottom line, you do whatever the hell you want. Do not ever think that you need to try to fit in at that place. Hedo is the haven of the animals. People who love to have fun, this is your place to go! It has it all. The trapeze training, water skiing, wind surfing, trampoline, fishing, snorkeling, were all things that I would have love to have tried but it just never happened. The things that I was able to squeeze into my trip were singing "My Ding A Ling" in the piano bar wearing an Elvis costume. That was nothing compared to the rendition of The Star Spangled Banner that followed. The guy leading the song was so over served that he couldn't even speak. Does anyone know who he was? The 10 on 10 Naked Pool Volley Ball Game. Yes, it was co-ed. I know what you were thinking. Or the Naked Hot Tub that holds well more than 26 people. I don't know what all of the fuss was about. That place is huge! Or the guy running around the beach in early afternoon still looking for his pants from the night before. Does anyone know who that guy was? He walked up to a nice couple on the nude beach after falling off his raft and asked "HAVE YOU SEEN MY PANTS??" Motor Cycle Tour of Jamaica was the most dangerous thing I have ever done in my life but a true must for any thrill seekers. Make sure you bring something to wear to the pajama party. It shouldn't be much. Perhaps a sock. Definitely bring a big water bottle so you don't have to drink 48 Dirty Bananas a day. A 32 oz. Squeeze bottle should cut it down to about 12 a day. As far as the food goes, you eat when your stomach can hold it down. Food was fine. You are not there for the food; although the Tuesday Lobster night was quite a feast. Late night Jerk Chicken is a hidden secret at Hedo that I would like to fill you in on. Late at night, if you speak to the right people in the main kitchen, they can make you a plate of Jerk Chicken that is out of this world, especially at that hour. Tell them Omar sent you. They will understand. Another fun game is Bocce Golf. If you are familiar with regular bocce ball, you are ahead of the game. Add the golf aspect and Hedo and you really have a game. You play the game around the Hedo Course which is wherever you want to make it. We played from bar to bar and then through the nude beach where you had to play in the proper attire. Lots of fun and a good way to get off your butt. Haggle till you drop should be the theme of Jamaica. Everyone has something to sell and it is absolutely the best in Jamaica, Mon. We bought so much stuff that we started offering it back for sale to the locals. It is fun if you have the right attitude and, of course, something to trade. Whether you know it or not, the barter system is alive and well throughout the world. No place more than in Jamaica. Knowing this ahead of time is very important. Bring stuff to give away. It is much more fun than ignoring everyone that you walk past. Give them a gift, they will remember you. As far as the bartering goes, one of my friends was being hounded by hundreds of cab drivers so he said that he would ride with whoever will let him drive the cab. Sure enough, he drove home from the concert. I believe the driver sat in the back.. Let me know if anyone would like to make up a special lapel pin for your group the next time you go. Being in the lapel pin business, I had 250 pins made up in less than 4 days for our group to hand out to everyone. We gave them to all the bartenders, the staff, all of the guests that we liked, and all of the people that helped to make my bachelor party memorable. The pin had a Jamaican Flag in the center and above that it said "IRIE MON" which means respect, and all is good. At the bottom of the pin was our name that you all gave us, THE TESTOSTERONE 26. They are awesome. I do have some left over that I would like to send to certain people but I will deal with that later. Regardless, I would highly recommend making up a pin for your groups that go there. The staff loved them and the cost is about $1.50-$2.00 per piece. It was by far the best money that I spent on the trip. People around the resort were seeking out our group to get the pin.
Since the whole gang paid for my trip, I figured I had to do something for them to show them my appreciation so towards the end of our stay, I passed out the shirts that I had made up for everyone. On the front left chest is our new official logo that reads "Testosterone 26, Jamaica 2000". The shirts are a very light green pistachio color. Oh, and By The Way, it says "Who's Vinnie?" across the back. They are classic.
All in all, my Hedo 2 Bachelor Party was probably the best trip the 26 of us will ever go on. As far as all the fuss that was put forth prior to our trip, sit your wrinkled asses down in a chair and relax. Take a moment to realize that we are YOUR younger generation at Hedo. All of us are going to get married someday and obviously we will return to Hedo again. Who wouldn't? I can bet that there are not too many places in the world as cool as Hedo but remember, educate the youngsters (as you call us) don't ostracize. We are the next generation so welcome the younger people and teach them the ropes instead of hanging them out to dry prior to arrival.
There were a couple of uncomfortable moments on the trip. I introduced my self to an older guy next to us on the beach and once he heard my name, he responded "Oh my God, it's you. I'm Manny" and walked away. At least he was courteous enough to tell me his name. As far as everyone else I met, and those people I saw but didn't get a chance to talk to sorry. A special thanks to Mary who made it a point to make sure she met me. And Mike Wyatt, hope you get off the toilet. As far as the couple who had the biggest problem with us, I wish you would have had the sac (however tan it may have been) to at least come up and say hello. It just would have put all bad blood behind us.
The only problem with Hedo 2 is that there is no time to rest. And if you are, you just know your missing something. I said rest, not going to bed. Hell, I saw more exhausted people going to bed and coming back looking even more tired. I guess it's not really a bad way to spend a vacation. As long as you take a couple of days off when you get home.
So a farewell to all Hedo animals everywhere. I certainly had a blast and want you to know that you all played a role in making this the best bachelor party that I have had so far.
Email me if anyone would like to buy a souvenir Who's Vinnie? shirt to help raise money for my wedding. If enough people want one of the controversial Hedo Testosterone 26, I will have them make some more. They will not be the same color. Those shirts are for Testosterone 26 Members Only. Respect.
Irie Mon,