We just returned from my 6th and Rhonda's 4th trip, and I have caught the "Dreaded Island fever", but will nevertheless attempt as best I can to struggle through the illness and get this report out!!

 

Saturday May 6th

The day we leave! YEA! We're both awake at 6.30AM, but the flight doesn't leave till 12.20PM.  We fly direct from Tampa to Mobay…it's only about 1 hour and 30 minutes. Rhonda wants to leave at 9.30AM for the 45 minute drive to the airport. (Somebody wants to go to Jamaica real bad!!). We finish packing, which has our little miniature dachshund all upset, and hit the road (taking the dog and cat to pet camp for a week).

We're early to the gate (Surprise!!) and have to wait awhile to check-in. No problem. The plane arrives and we soon are boarding, but not until we hear an announcement asking a couple who were on the flight from Minneapolis to reboard (where were they?? More on them later….) We take off, no problem…….soon we're over Cuba and the pilot tells us not to take pictures (yea, like my silly little video cam is gonna get Fidel when the satellites overhead can't!!)  We land in MoBay and are soon waiting in the long line for customs. Did everyone come at once?? No problem…..Hedo soon come. Finally  we're through customs and off to the Super Clubs desk. The bus to Hedo is loading, and we jump right on…no waiting. We love the bus trip! Playing "chicken" with the oncoming drivers is a thrill!! Missing pedestrians and bikers by inches is COOL! But alas, new road not soon come! Some underbidding, no more money, but hey, there were some new concrete bunkers for bridges and damn if there wasn't about 2 miles of really nice paved road!!  Road soon come, mon! But hey, we blew right pasted the Golden Apple Club and I really wanted a Red-Stripe, but all was OK as we stopped just down the road at Cousins Club. Good Beer. See the D/G on the bottle. It means "Damn Good" beer! 

 

We arrive at Hedo about 3.30PM and we're ready! "Room soon come, mon!"….no problem. Been here, at this point, patience is a virtue! A couple of drinks, talking with others waiting….we meet Mike and Steve….two single guys also waiting. Both are bemoaning the fact they don't know who they will be rooming with. You guessed it. They got the same room together, so no problem. The couple lost in Tampa are looking around now really lost…and I tell them "room soon come", you can't be in a hurry. They get bumped to Lido but had a blast! They really liked the service there. 4 other guys get bumped to the Point….but I'm being cool…..just fillin' out the info, don't haggle them…be patient. At 5pm they call our name, and warn me "don't freak out when you see the twin beds"…we wanted a King bed. No problem.  Big bed soon come at 8pm, they say.

 

We get into the room. Dump all the stuff and off to the beach. We get in one final game of volleyball then hit the hot-tub. We need our fix of jerk chicken. HHmm……two guys getting a little "service" from their ladies. Oh…and the girls like to do each other too! Cool!

 

The chicken was great, but now back to the room for a shower. Rhonda goes first, and I hear an "AARRRGGHH"  blast out of the shower, and I'm thinkin', "a little hot and cold there honey??", but no, seems the water diverter doesn't work and the shower is "drip, by drip!!" Plumber soon come, mon!

 

Off to dinner where we see our friends Randy and Dianne, who we didn't think were gonna make it. Cool! They still got here! After a nice dinner, we're off to Veronica's bar. Rhonda flirts a bit with Dave until……he pulls here away! "Trust me, I'm a doc", she says….then it's "Piece by piece"……on top of the piano, her clothes come off! Trouble is, she only has "one piece" on…so it comes off quick. "Ya mon….that be my wife!! Need a doc??" Oh if her colleagues could see her now!!!  (heh, heh!!).

 

Soon to bed. We push the twins together and I try not to fall through the crack (no pun intended!). Big bed "not soon come" as promised. No problem. Deal with it tomorrow.

 

Now I lay me down to sleep….."Jamaica soon come???"

Yea mon….be patient

Sure mon……ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

 

Sunday

We're up at 7AM. Too much to do and not enough time! Off for a jog up past Sandles as far as we can go. Then to breakfast, still sweating from the jog. It's the only time I hardly ever eat scrambled eggs…they are good! A little bacon on the side, and then some fruit so I don't feel so guilty. Back to the room to get the big two-person float, and I had it blown up at the dive shop. Off to the beach for some sun. We then go snorkeling at 11.30AM, then back to the dining room for lunch. After lunch, we hit the front desk to find out when "bed and plumber soon come"…they give us a new room, 2134 in H block nude garden view (we had been in 2140). Cool! The room checks out, shower and all. Back to the beach for some sun. The float is great! We venture up to the nude bar for another drink just before volleyball, then hit the court. We run into Bob and Joyce, on trip number 42 (Tell me Bob, do you like the place?? J. I try to get on Joyce's team….she has nipple rings and a chain beween them….always a good distraction for the other team's guys!! Rhonda's not to be outdone, she's on the other team, she get's into a "hiker's" position to "hike" me the ball for me to serve. I seem to have lost my strength and hit the net with the serve. "NOT FAIR!!"  

 

Volleyball is over (who won??) and it's off to the nude pool. After a few drinks, we hit the hot-tub. That's when I see him….yes, HIM. "Woodie", walking past the pool to the hot-tub. "Woodie" is obviously glad to be at Hedo, 'cuz he's got a full one standing at attention! Rhonda tells me she noticed him (and "it") 2 hours ago. Another hour goes by, and he's still standing!! We all wonder why his lady doesn't help him out with his problem. I'm trying to remember what the medical texts say about blue-balls….I think he could be a prime clinical example!! 3 hours and counting….I’m impressed!!

 

Back to the room for a shower then off to dinner. After that, it's to Veronica's again, where I do my rendition of "Still" by Lionel Ritchie. Rhonda says, "Not bad. Now let's go back to the room!!" It's still pretty early, but you don't argue with a woman at these times. I pop the Vigra when she ain't lookin', (heh heh!!)….WHHEEEEE….

 

Whoa! That was good!! J Time for bed, and I fiddle with this new space-age air-conditioner, since there were ice-cycles hanging off the ceiling in the last room, and I don't wanna freeze again!! Ok…there, it's set to 30 degrees Celsius (that should be plenty good!!). We still freeze! Ah, but we have a KING size bed now…..warm body heat!!

 

Now I lay me down to sleep….."Jamaica soon come???"

Yea mon….be patient

Sure mon……ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

 

 

Monday

We sleep in till 7.45AM! Up and we're off to breakfast and see that the weekend changeover has taken affect and a whole new crowd of faces are present! Off to the beach for sun and fun. A prude fellow walks over and gets up the courage to "bare" it all. He settled into his seat, only to be run off by a guard 'cuz he brought a bottled beer to the beach. No glass on the beach! We play volleyball again (getting some real Hedo bucks now!) The day goes by and we hit the hot-tub in the afternoon. Herb from LA is there and he and his wife are down for their first visit. She isn't feeling so well so only Herb is in the hot-tub. He really likes the place….they have a trip to Amsterdam scheduled for September, but Herb says he thinks they are gonna have to come back to Hedo, instead. Anyhow, he's been to Amsterdam and tells us all about the red-light district, the sex museum, etc. there. Rhonda's been there for one night, and I've only flown into the airport. "Trip soon come to Amsterdam!" We look up and "Woodie" is back, but only half-mast now! Might he be getting' used to the place??

 

Off to dinner, then a brief stop in Veronica's. It's karioke night, and we don't usually stay too late. Back to the room and we hit the bed for some sleep.

 

Now I lay me down to sleep….."Jamaica soon come???"

Yea mon….be patient

Sure mon……ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

 

 

Tuesday

Rhonda gets up early for another jog down the beach. I convince her to let me sleep some more!! We head to breakfast when she gets back then off to the beach. Today is the Catamaran cruise. It's $45 per person and well worth it.  We meet at the dock at 10.30AM for the cruise and there's a BIG crowd! A lot of folks look worried that they might not get on! No problem. Soon, all are aboard and the clothes come off. Rasta Ralphie is there as usual to provide the entertainment (well, SOME of the entertainment!!) and we're off. The bar opens and I just keep getting rum punch. Good punch. Plenty of vitamins!! The caves, where part of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" was filmed, are our destination. We arrive but another boat is docked by the big cliff, so we dock out in front of the water slide and everyone heads to shore for some fun! A few bodies coming down the water-slide look like they are gonna flip over the edge of the slide (like a bob-sled) but manage to stay put before being launched into the sea! A young prude couple, who I had kidded earlier about only being able to snorkle on this trip if you were nude, ventured clothed and all to the top of the big cliff and both jumped. I think they were the only ones to do it. Many folks seemed not to know that the big jumped existed 'cuz of where we were anchored. Oh well……all are back aboard and we head back home. The trip home is always more fun!! The entertainment takes on a whole different flavor as the drinks flow and inhibitions subside.  Mucho thanks to the lady on the upper deck just to the front of the bar who demonstrated her superb oral technique on her fellow, much to the joy of the rear half of the catamaran!! Then it hits me……that feeling….when Jamaica comes! All the worries back home are ebbing away. I'm finally relaxing after three days and the feeling is like being pulled into some parallel universe where exhilaration and contentment reign!! Some reach this state in one day, others might take a week or more! For me, it's always three days! It can't be described….you must "experience" it! YA MON!! JAMAICA COME!!!

 

Back to the beach, more sun, the hot-tub and then back to the room for showers. Off to dinner and then back to the room to get dressed for PJ night. Don't be confused by "PJ" night. If you wouldn't want you Mom to see you dressed this way, you are on the right tract!! Most anything goes. Rhonda gets out her leather body harness and, WHOAA, does she look good! Not to mention the high-heeled thigh-high leather boots! But I have a big problem! The "body condom" I bought at Spencer's is TOO SMALL!! J It won't go over my shoulders!! NOW WHAT!!?? Rhonda pulls out one of her thong underwear, and I try it on. "Oohh…..THIS FEELS GOOD!!" And for some strange reason, it seems to fit too!! "Ah, honey, do you have anymore of these…you know, for when I get home??" Heh-heh…….

 

There are several categories of judging, and they do most of it as you walk into the place. Last year we did pretty good in the S/M category, but this year (could it have been my thong underwear??) Rhonda is stuck in the "most-revealing" , not S/M category. No problem. She gets second-place, and who-ever won first didn't even show up. So in my mind, she really got first! 

 

Off to bed. Another busy day tomorrow!

 

Now I lay me down to sleep….."Jamaica come!!!!"

Yea mon….who you think sent it to you??

Sure mon…of course! RESPECT!!…ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

 

Wednesday

9AM bike ride into town. Paul ("Chubby") is our guide. We like to bike, so thought it would be fun. There are plenty of nice shops in downtown Negril to explore. We were the only two on the ride, so we took our time. It was fun…..I'd guess it's about 5 or 6 miles into town. I got a couple of nice Reggae CD's and Rhonda picked up some clothes and gifts for her family. We bike back then hit the beach for the day's sun. Seems our float has gotten popular…..just about the time I head out to confiscate it the couple heads ashore. No problem.  We play volleyball again, have the usual fun in the hot-tub and nude pool, shower and it's off to dinner. After dinner, we're back in Veronica's. Dave will be back tonight (he's off Monday and Tuesday) and we pull up a chair around the piano. Dave does his usual good job, but all the while I see this guy sitting by the piano, and both Rhonda and I think "VINNIE!" He was even from NJ. But "Vinnie" turned out to be "Eddie", and he could really play the piano well!! But Eddie made one mistake….just as he sat down at the piano, he said "I'm just down here to play and see if I can get a woman nekkid on the piano!" Be careful Eddie, when you're at Hedo, you might get what you wish for!! In a split second, not one, not two, but THREE nekkid women answered his plea!! Rhonda and another lady flanked his sides, while a third lady spreads  eagle on the piano in front of Eddie. Needless to say, he didn't get very far playing the piano as the ladies slowly worked on getting his clothes off too! But alas, he fended them off and proceeded to play a nice piano!! (for a very short while!!)

 

Thursday

Rhonda let's me sleep in to a staggering 8.45AM!! I'm going to need a vacation to recover from this one for sure! We did the usual beach, volleyball, etc thing. We also went snorkeling again and it was a great day!! The water was calm and the sun shown bright…..and I discovered that should they head out into the bay to the first reef, you must head over to the west side of it where there is some incredible scenery on the reef! We ventured around the south side of the reef to its west side and it was spectacular! We got back to the beach for some sun and wouldn't you know it?? Eddie and the lady on the piano spent much of the afternoon in the water on the nude beach in various bodily gyrations having a splendid time!!

 

Back to the room for showers and then we try to tie our togas. Firmly tied up J, we head off for dinner for the usual toga night. Nothing special.  I got corralled (unknowingly) into joining a group on-stage for the competition to pull your toga off, fling it out, then put it back on just like you had it. My toga was wrapped around my head, then twisted into a tight "rope" that came down the back of my head to my waist then around the important parts. No way I was gonna get it back on quickly after taking it off!! So I threw it around me and went back to the room to change to head to Veronica's again. No sooner do we settle into the bar when Dave shoves the mike in my hand…..but I'm way too tired to sing. Too many late nights and early mornings will ruin a voice!!

 

Friday

OH NO!! Our last full day!! We go snorkeling again, but this time we head out to the second reef out further than the first. I'm thinkin' it might be the same one the Cat cruise goes to. It's huge! No sooner have we jumped in, and off to the reef, that we get hit multiple times by little small stinging creatures!! And big jellyfish everywhere!! Whoaa….after about 15 or so snorkeling trips, I finally get "stung." "Sting soon go away, mon!" No problem. We head back to shore, and I gather all the snorkeling equipment to take back to the room. Upon opening the door, I see "IT."

 

 

The DREADED eviction notice!!! AARRGGHHHH!!!!! 

We just got here, and they're KICKING us out!!! I'm thinkin' we could be like NYPD Mike and stay on for awhile, moving from one friends room to another, but alas, all good things end. Sadly, I head back to the beach, for the usual sun, pool then hot-tub. Oh, how could I forget. I think his name was Chris from Mass. (??). He took over the guitar during the afternoon beach band playing on the nude beach….Chris is, I'm sure, in some land far-far way the head guitar player for ZZ-Top! He was outstanding!!! "I’m Just Lookin' for some Tush" was the best!! If you're not playing professionally bud, you augh'ta be!!  We have some final jerk-chicken, then back to the room for showers. I'm lookin' forward to the show tonight 'cuz I wanna tape the fire-breathing fellow and the guy who can bend himself in any direction, but alas, they have the dance-floor all blocked off, something about putting a new roof on the place and some other additions, so after dinner, we head to the beach for the show. Having done the beach thing before, I’m not too interested in spinning around 10 times after running 30 yards, and trying to come back while I fall flat on my face, so I figure I'll watch others do that!! (You'll have'ta go to the beach party to understand that sentence!!)  But they seem very slow at getting things going, so we leave a little early and head to Veronica's for an easy last night.  Sure enough, Dave throws me the mike and starts playing "Still" again, so I give it one more try. What the hell, it's our last night. Several others do really great songs!! After a lot of fun, Rhonda and I look at each other, and know the end is near.  We head back to the room and get all packed up for the trip home.

 

Saturday

What can I say?? It's time to go home, that dreaded time that comes to the end of every Hedo vacation.  I endure that God-awful feeling of seeing all those new arrivals, just before we are to board the bus to MoBay. I think back to last week when we arrived, and I saw all those leaving. I wonder how long it will be until another trip…..and know it won't be too long!! Some things you can't put off. The flight back is fine, we find where we parked the car, and head home, only to stop at one of our favorite restaurants for dinner before we get home. Finally, we get home. We live in a condo on the beach in Clearwater, so I'm thinkin' we're only trading one neat place for another. It's still light out, but the sun is slowly fading in the west. A brief walk on the beach, the sun falls below the ocean, and we're back in our Condo. As I turn out the light after we hit the bed, I think what a great week!!  I snuggle up to Rhonda, and the lights are out….

 

Now I lay me down to sleep….."Jamaica soon come???"

Yea mon….be patient

Sure mon……ZZZZZzzzzzzzz