HEDONISM II: OVER THE EDGE
MAY 2 -12 1997
Day 1: Friday
The morning starts with the early rise, as usual, to miss the Philadelphia traffic and get to the airport in plenty of time to enjoy the hospitality of the Air Jamaica first class lounge. Only a true hedonist will start the day with Bloody Marys at 7 am. This is my first flight on the new schedule of Newark NJ to Philly then direct to Mobay. Upon arrival I see the Lovebird parked at the gate and, upon inquiry, find that the previous night’s severe storms had grounded it here and we were to fly to Newark THEN to Mobay. DAMN. Well all went well but 1 hours late. With just carry on for luggage breezed through the trivialities of customs and immigration and headed out to find Air Negril. REMEMBER AIR NEGRIL!!!! Jeannie and Tony Vodnik (God Bless those beautiful people) had introduced me to the owner and after many trials with Timair I HAD to try them. Well let me tell you they are so far and above the pack that I hope success doesn’t spoil them. They meet you, DRIVE you to the far end of the terminal and have a plane and pilot waiting!!! I was fortunate to have Philip as my pilot as I have flown with him on Timair and he really sang the praises of Air Negril. I was the only passenger so co-piloted the twin engine 9 seater. Their aircraft are all new, clean AND are endorsed by Super Clubs (they have all the Super Clubs Logos on all the planes). Well, a tail wind helping we were in Negril in 15 minutes and 8 seconds (per the flight timer). Short ride and I was home! Quick check in and my room on the "au naturel" side and I was in. Decided to "freak the beach" so, while my room was getting the final touches, walked down to Delroy’s in full dress. First met GMT III and as usual George had camera in hand documenting the activities of the day. God Bless George who sets a new standard as the man "I Am a Camera". I didn’t get past the hot tub when I heard the familiar chant "Chris, Chris, Chris is in the house" from Delroy and Michelle!!! They saw me coming. Then Robert and Jazzmo from the McMon grill and it was like I was REALLY home again!!! People didn’t really get upset, as with all the fist banging and Ya Mon’s I guess they realized I belonged there. The beach was perfect and the whole island was in a drought (very brown). No rain in the forecast.
Finally shed of all vestiges of the "other world" I sank down in the peace and tranquillity of the warm Caribbean and Bloody Bay. Unknowing of the events to follow I just eased into the island rhythms and let the sun begin it’s destiny of baking the 14 hours days, faxes, beepers, phones, endless hours in front of the PC and deadlines. One by one friends began to arrive with AJ and Gennie of Go Classy Tours, Rich (a.k.a. Pqtest) and others finding their way to paradise. This was the "eve" of the 1st ever "Nude Week" and the agenda promised non-stop fun.
First of Omar’s jerked chicken at 6 pm told my soul that this was a routine NOT to be missed and always perfectly timed with the sunset. Man!, Omar’s chicken is to die for and the secret sauce!!! His fish was equal so the days were set for a tasty retreat at the end of the beach day.
The hot tub and all the facilities were fabulous as usual. But being the first day it was off to dinner, around to say hello to Ray the dining room manager, to the Piano bar to hug Veronica, blush in front of Delete and say hey to Sue Jean. Then back to the tub with Marcia at the bar until 11 and a day’s ending soak. The fatigue of the day was setting in and my spirit guided me to pastoral sleep.
Day 2: Saturday
The sun streams in bands of gold indicating that it must be near 7 am and time for the morning stroll down to the beach grill for coffee. There is a coffee maker, well stocked, in the room but in an attempt to hold on to one last tradition I choose the beach coffee ( I AM on vacation you know). Jerry and Jane were on the beach with AJ and Gennie and the new day had dawned. The resort is reported to be sold out and from all the civilian clothes on the beach I knew a major ‘Saturday metamorphosis" was about to take place. 10 am and Delroy’s is open for the first eye opening bloody, the sun is already brutally hot and not a cloud is in the sky. The pool offers itself as a cool haven from the sun. The music wafts sweetly from the new speakers placed on the beach hidden in sandstone housings. Shades of Marley, Clarence Carter and Buffet entertain the small group of sun worshippers. The planes of Air Jamaica, Timair and Air Negril begin to buzz in and out and in a matter of just a few hours the beach is alive with fresh untanned bodies full of life, energy and news of the world I had left behind. Soon they too would become victims of the island rhythms, slow down and melt into the garden but for now it was the high energy of arrival and meeting old friends which ruled the day.
Lunch at the beach grill was as good as it gets. Last October I was one of the fortunate few who had initiated the new pool area on it’s inaugural opening but had not had the pleasure of experiencing Robert’s new digs. A real gas grill for burgers instead of that left over McDonalds steel flat top and the taste is the real difference. A state of the art French fryer, help yourself to fresh popped popcorn and later in the week a hot dog machine. The burgers actually tasted like beef as they now import much of the meat from the USA but the rolls are still the same. I found by asking for a burger on toasted bread it made the experience a little more palatable for me. Homemade cookies were kept fresh in a warmer and it was only a step away from the bar.
The afternoon, as it would become the ritual of the week, found me rotating from beach to pool. Desperately trying to find shade as still no clouds were to be found. The drought continues. Finally it appeared that all the newcomers had arrived in the form of Biff’s Bunch". They are a "well organized" group of friends who meet the same week each year and their numbers amounted to 70 or so. You could tell them as they had all the gear, key necklaces, laminated name cards and insulated cups adorned with BB on them. I had paid my respects to "Biff" and his lovely bride the day before and today it was hoist the banners and post the weeks agenda. Nice group of people but WAY to organized with agendas and such. This beach slug doesn’t "do" agenda but it promised to be fun to watch. I did meet the new chef , Ken, and we had a nice chat. He has been in Barbados for the past 3 years and received formal training at CCA (California Culinary School). Asked of his plans he responded that he was in the process of introducing new things, incorporating what works but not radically doing a wholesale change out of everything. The changes became apparent as the week wore on; beef that you could cut with a fork, shrimp to die for, chicken with meat on the bones and such. Pastafari’s proved to embrace his expertise with changing menus during the week including a ‘daily special" (more on that later).
Saturday dinner was better than expected with a nice assortment. The shows have changed since last October (and the other 8 trips) and proved to be unique. Usually they are always the same. Pqtest and I had to explore and visit Veronica’s tho just to beat the heat. The normal chats, keeping score of the 8 single guys trying to impress a lone lass but not succeeding. A trip to the disco which looked like Saturday night at a Boy’s Club and ultimately back to the hot tub.
Day 3: Sunday
The first day of Nude Week found Bloody Marys and breakfast served on the beach at 8 am!!!. Now this helped perpetuate this sand flea’s slothful behavior by not having to go up top for something to eat. What a fine tradition for the week! Hell it was the next best thing to having it served in bed. The week was looking very promising thanks to Go Classy Tours!
The morning was the same, the routine the same as it would be for the entire week. Hot, humid and breezes off the bay. I did meet my "original" Hedo mentor Denny Pasternak and his fine lady Anne. I have been there 9 times up until then because of his kindness to inspire me online (at that time it was Prodigy) and sent me his video. So I was really excited about meeting them. Bill and Marie, from LA, had been there since earlier in the week. They are the greatest because Bill is bound and determined NOT to get a tan, which he does quite well. It is a real hoot when everybody asks him if he just got in and he says "no, actually I’ve been here a week". It send the unknowing away scratching their brain pans and looking at the concoction Delroy had fixed them, as we laughed and laughed.
I did end up going snorkeling everyday on the 11:30 boat and actually took a paddle boat out. When asked if it was hard work Jerry would interject "hell no, if it was do you think Chris would be out there?". So I did that, most days, just to break up the day. They now have these small catamarans which are way cool for the amateur sailor. The Swept Away boats kept "breaking down" just off the nude beach and MAN would they stare!!! OH for a water balloon launcher. I sure wish they’d call off the moratorium of bombing Hanoi and let us at ‘em. DAMN. The prudes keep trying to "sneak a peek" but the guards were better after an incident the week before where a guest got REALLY upset about the obvious gawking. We’d hassle ‘em so they knew we were on to ‘em.
Dinner and the NEW show was good. Same ‘ol same ’ol…off to Veronica’s and the tub.
Day 4: Monday
Agenda, agenda, agenda. NOT for me…just did my best imitation of a sea slug. Hung out with Hedonis2 and LOVELY wife and Detail Dad and HIS GORGEOUS gal. Now they were TRUE Hedonites in every sense. They had a blast, met many new friends, joined in the games and were just about the coolest people you’d ever meet there. Very laid back. Biff’s Bunch had their agenda and, frankly, I forgot what it was. It was a matter of "if I was there when they did something I’d check it out" if not….oh welllll. Snorkeling is great as now they give you bread and all of a sudden YOU ARE the most popular thing in the water with schools of Sergeant Major fish all around. It’s pretty cool.
The day was a photocopy of all the other days. Scumba at the bar with Michelle or Marcia. Dinner, show, Veronica’s and tub time.
Day 5: Tuesday
HOT HOT HOT at 7 am, coffee, shake the dazed brain, get some ‘hair of the dog’ bloody’s, breakfast lather up and start another day. Let’s skip now to the PJ party.
Whoa, the place is sold out so it means a HUGE crowd in the disco. Great outfits but nothing I haven’t seen before for better or worse until ……………………Hedonis2 and lady walk thru the door. NOW THIS WAS AN OUTFIT!!! Whoa! YO! Leather from top knot to toe (much hand made I later found out). I mean it was either B&D or this was Spartacus and Bride in their Sunday finest. I mean it was stunning!!! The mask H2 wore..sheesh!!! Needless to say they were the winners. It got tooo hot to stay and the bar was toooooo packed so retired to the piano bar and Veronica, Delete and Sue Jean ( I was bound and determined to make that girl smile SOMETIME during the week but was unsuccessful I must admit). To the tub, another party with Alan and Lydia who live in Kuwait, Randy and Carol (world travelers; lucky people), Allen and Carol from Dublin Ireland, Pqtest and me. Donna had fetched beer in an ice bucket which just "shows ta go ya" what a little creativity will do.
Day 6: Wednesday
Days all bleed into one, routines are executed by rote, pickup games in the pool amuse the crowds, way too crowded, lines everywhere, BAD case of beach brain now. Hot, no clouds no rain. Walking to the bar, have to have a Ting to clear the dust, still haven’t been up top. Missed the wet T-shirt contest when Detail Dad’s better half, Detail Mom, won LEGITAMATELY! But hell put a T-shirt on and it may arouse me….actually got in late from snorkeling and "forgot" the agenda. So she won, after calling them to task to make good on the prize, 3 free days. Now was that Wednesday or Tuesday? Oh well.
Due to nude week our invitations were for the returnees party to be held on the lawn by the squash courts. It also was the first "clothing optional" returnees party in the 15 years of existence. I went "au naturel" along with Pqtest but found most everybody else clothed……….damn did I feel naked. Oh well shit happens. Winner was a friend named Ed from Chicago with 15 trips. Last week it was our beloved George Thomas Musgrave III with 10 trips!!! Timing…everything is timing!
Nights entertainment the same.
Day 7: Thursday
Geez what day is this….agenda? what agenda? See above for day’s activities. Hot, dry and I need a cloud!!! Rich had checked with Joseph about the tree for our dear departed friend Karen, wife of Sam, from Jacksonville Florida. AJ and Gennie had already made arrangements too. A beautiful palm was delivered and a hole dug. Later it rained for hour!!! The soil needed it.
Man am I needing relief from the crowds!!! Hard to get into the hot tub, Biff’s had tables reserved for toga night and it was just a zoo. Toga night was OK but the talent show was awesome!!!! I mean an amateur comedian who was funny!!! Good show.
Day 8: Friday
A week has gone by already? Hard to believe. Let’s catch up on some of the week’s activities. We had body painting and yours truly was asked early in the afternoon to be Carol’s "canvas" as she just liked to paint. We had just returned from being Snorkel buddies so she created this outstanding artistic rendition of the reef on my back. When I found out all I had to do was sit while she painted me I readily agreed as that fit MY AGENDA. Well the beach gasped as I walked by so had to make a bee-line for a mirror. Whoa! So cool! Well she had ‘em lined up after that but only did a major job on Lydia and Donna. Then I found out it was body painting time! I went out on the stage (they had set up a stage for bands in the afternoon and other activities for nude week) just to give Carol the recognition and credit. I lost. I had figured it to be so as Biff’s crowd had a larger cheering section and they had "cheering" for so and so on THEIR agenda…oh well. It was the same in all activities. There was some really impressive artwork out there too. They had organized a shaving cream bathing suit march, thank God I missed that as they marched to Grand Lido, the prude beach, Sandals and Swept Away and back. A "forced" march was NOT on my agenda. My feet hurt from the concrete and sand.
We also had a Nude Week fashion show and again yours truly was one of the models. Rules were (rules?) that the fashions had to all natural materials. Again Gennie, of Go Classy, asked if I would model her "Hard Rock Jockstrap". It’s OK with me…all I had to do is walk ….fit right in with MY agenda. Well they really had some great creations from sea urchin shell bikini’s to an over steroidal couple playing Tarzan and Jane. AJ and Gennie awarded all participants with a prize of paying their departure tax. So 500 J richer I can now say I am a "professional model". Go Classy really put on a good week.
You could tell this was the last full day for many as they had the "last day" syndrome, no suntan lotion for that last big burn, more than normal trips to Delroy’s and just trying to maximize the day.
This morning we had a tree planting ceremony for Karen’s tree. George, Rich, Jerry and Jane and I (who knew her very closely) planted the tree. AJ and Gennie had organized the event with ranking staff members to be in attendance. We planted the tree by hand and took pictures. A beautiful palm in the shade of the original palm planted in the grove belonging to "Doc", another friend. We had a little rain the day before, just enough to wet the soil. Don’t you know in less than an hour the clouds blew in and we had a 3 hour monsoon!!! Almost a drought breaker but definitely unusual for the past three months. Coincidence? I think not. I firmly believe that they were "tears from God" sent to water and nurture Karen’s spirit in the tree. We had no marker, Hedo will make one, so Jane (an artist in her own right) found a magnificent stone and painted our message. In October The "Corps" will be down to hold the formal ceremony. Mission accomplished, tree planted and now a better than even chance of survival thanks to the rain.
So many new friends met this week I am really stretched to the Max to remember as many names as I did (even forgetting mine every now and again). What a great week. Biff’s had a group picture and after the 6th or 7th invitation and having to respond "I’m not in the bunch" I finally said "I don’t do group, sorry" <G>. I guess they all thought I was a Biff’s buncher" as many of them didn’t know others in their own 70+ membership.
Day 9: Saturday
Crying day, as hordes of the 195 Go Classy Tours and Biff’s Bunch pack to leave. Farewells, business cards, scraps of paper or anything to exchange addresses were passed to and fro. Plane after plane buzzing the beach and then…………………QUIET! Peaceful, Blissful NOTHINGNESS!!!. The void was not being filled by new campers in the best adult summer camp in the Caribbean. No lines, no problem talking in the hot tub, no agendas to be executed and no problem getting a table for dinner.
The rest of the day and night was just a relaxing adventure into slughood. You could tell it was a changeover day as the prudes, vinnies, lurkers or whatever they call them grabbed a drink and proceeded to march right on over to OUR beach. Hell WE don’t march over to THEIR beach upon arrival so what the hell! Some did find it worthy to drop the drawers and stay awhile.
The rest of the day and night were just about what I expected….perfect bliss. Met new friends, again, and started over.
Day 10: Sunday, the final chapter
Ahhhhh MY last full day. At the end of the day Jerry looks at me and remarks that this was one perfectly wasted day, no snorkeling, didn’t get the launch to take us to Negril as planned, fell asleep on the raft…………..never left the beach. I responded "perfect waste of a day? I think not. We still had to fetch our own drinks" I’d give it a 9.9 but perfection??. ………...NO way. I strive for perfection and once found…. Well let’s say I have to go back one more time in search of perfection…oh darn!
Organized to pack and spent my last night saying goodbye to all the staff who are like family to me.
Day 11 Monday; the day of reckoning
Spent the last few hours soaking in as much as I could. Went up top for breakfast for the first time in 11 days as I needed to check in with Air Jamaica which offer this way cool service of doing your boarding pass, departure tax etc. so all you have to do is get on the plane after customs and immigration. No lines at the airport. I have to tell you Monday is the day to fly! Sangster was like a ghost town. Very few people there, no lines. I just hung out in the first class lounge until they had boarded my plane and then we got on.
This A-310 was awesome. Must be an overseas plane as the leg room was immense and the seats went all the way back! Nice sleep coming on but wait…there’s big guy sitting in my seat!!!! Oh well I sit on the isle they way I like anyway. We get to talking and he tells me he was in Jamaica for one day!!!! Business. My curiosity (and fear of day trippers in Jamaica as they could be drug runners) getting the better of me I ask what he did. Well it turns out he is a lead singer with the Stylistics. My mind racing back to reality and on the brink of getting the bends from surfacing to quickly, I ask him if he was from THE Sytlistics, a rhythm and soul group out of Philadelphia and top of the pop charts in the early 70’s. He said yes! Songs like ‘You make me feel so good" and Betcha by golly wow" took me WAY back! So for 3 hours (no movie damnit) we talked about the industry, who he had met, how they got there. Quite fascinating. They had a one night gig in Kingston. Ya just never know. Plane got in hour early but this plane can’t just park anywhere so we sat on the tarmac for 20 minutes. Got home, walked thru the door and WHAMMO!!!! Got hit immediately with a bad case of "DIF", and it’s not from the water but rivals Montezuma’s Revenge. DIF, or otherwise known as Dreaded Island Fever hit me right in the gut and the soul and the spirit. It attacks when you are suddenly extricated from Hedo and the only cure is to go back, sort of like going into a decompression chamber for the bends. Sooooooooooooo NOW I’m counting the days until October 3rd where upon I will return and cure my DIF.
FINAL OBSERVATIONS
The food is getting better.
The nude beach is the ONLY place to be.
IF you can get to a "Nude Week" do so, you won’t regret it. (It’s still nude/prude but the activities are a hoot, Call Go Classy for the Sept. 13 to 20th next event Tell ‘em Chris sent ya)
The neoprene lounge mats are great but I still prefer my float. They float the "skinny bitches (eh Detail Mom and Hedonis2 ?) but not this hunk of manhood. Watch out! Don’t sit on them without a towel if they have been sitting in the sun!!! Lesson learned the hard way! They burn and stick to you…imagine me running down the beach in pain with this "thing" stuck to may ass!
The prudes are bolder than ever…you MUST tell the guards when you are uncomfortable and only THEN will they do something.
The coordinators have all changed and not as friendly as I am used to
The shows are all basically new in format or talent from October and are well worth watching.
Air Negril is the ONLY way to fly, best price, best pilots (because they are actually paying them a decent wage) and best aircraft.
Water pressure was NOT a problem for me this week but that does not mean it is fixed.
The phones are GREAT as long as nobody knows your room number. I would call Pqtest to see if he was ready for dinner and called up top to make final Air Negril confirmations. You can turn the ringer almost off so no problem.
All in all it still is the Hedo I have come to know and love.
Thank you AJ and Gennie, from Go Classy Tours and sponsor of the 1st ever "Nude Week", Pqtest, Big George, Bill and Marie, Jerry and Jane, Hedonis2 + 1, Detail Dad and Detail Mom, and all the other fine friends for a great stay. Hope to see ya’ll again.
The mind, spirit, body and soul are forever dedicated to returning "home again".
One Love my fellow Hedonites! Until October …………………
Hedoman E-mail - hedoman@aol.com